A SURVEY

[aventuriere]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Baroness Frédérique Durfort-Lacapalette, Brother Jehan Mercier, and Valentine Nicasius Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Important questions
WHEN: Now
WHERE: Everywhere
NOTES: Please threadjack

Inquisition, we have a question for you.

[ DO NOT SILENCE YOUR CRYSTALS. That is an Orlesian voice, but it is not Val de Foncé's voice. Instead, it is the voice of a woman, which makes it immediately superior. You are probably safe. Maybe. Keep listening. ]

You see, we are scholars. The best of scholars! And this Inquisition, it offers the most magnifique opportunities to learn more of this world and we, my friends, we are here to take on that most noble challenge!

We are conducting a study. [ From the tavern. ] Which of Thedas' nations is your favorite? Le plus fantastique? [ A pause, some murmuring reminder while the crystal is covered with a hand. ] You may not say Orlais, and you must explain why, pour l'étude.

[ HERE is Val’s voice. Please keep listening. ]



You may not say Orlais because we already know that it is Orlais. We have been to Orlais, many times. [ A voice cuts in, dry: ] We are even from Orlais, in case you had not guessed. [ From, you know. The really obvious accents. ] For this, we seek other answers. Answers that are more diverse. Perhaps it is better to say second best? Second favorite? With, naturally, Orlais being the favorite. We are, you see, all in disagreement.

It is threatening to tear us apart, when we have only just been brought back together.

Yes, because you are wrong. If you would cease to be so wrong, we would not be torn apart!

No, you are-- Ah, courage, my friends! We must not be torn apart. [ There is some shuffling and oofing. It is possible that arms are being thrown about shoulders and necks are being squeezed. ] Inquisition, we turn to you, on behalf of our reunion, and the great Baroness Haut-Brion.

If you answer our question we will permit you to call her Freddie.

You will permit nothing, but I may permit it, if your answers are particularly clever.

Also, for a bet-- [ Should Chantry Brothers make bets? Shh. Should Chantry Brothers pause while speaking to drink wine? Shhhhh. ] How many times per day is it reasonable to pray? Suppose that you are also reasonably faithful.

Suppose that you are a madman, a holy madman--

And that you desire nothing more than to be Andraste's second husband and like Maferath to be cuckolded by the Maker himself--

[ Should Chantry brothers dump wine over the heads of their friends? Shhhhhhhhh. ]

Comments

[slipshot]

Oh, I would have a very hard time making a list... I like Orlais, but I think it would be more enjoyable to visit if Elves weren't having to deal with the whole... second class, often murdered, probably a servant... thing.

I actually really enjoyed Kirkwall. Mostly because Varric kept me from dying. And he's great.

[degenere]

You like it because you were kept from dying there. And how is it, then, that you are so alive here in Skyhold? Surely you are being kept from death. Should we not credit the Maker's good grace instead? No: being kept from death cannot be your sole recommendation for Kirkwall.

Monsieur, you must at least try to engage us. Overcome your proclivities.

[slipshot]

Well, Varric is here too. [He points out. He may be teasing, but it's hard to tell from his innocent sounding voice.]

I can't say that I have any other recommendations for Kirkwall beyond Varric, so I'll have to let that one go. What's a proclivity?

[degenere]

Let's ask it this way: if I told you that you must define 'proclivity' for me, or risk losing your life, would you wait for Varric to come and answer for you, or would you seek to provide the definition on your own? Even without knowing it.

And, before you protest, I will tell you the answer. 'Proclivity'. In a moment.

[aventuriere]

I shall use it in a sentence: I had no idea the famous Varric Tethras had such proclivities.

[degenere]

Very good. My turn: One of my proclivities is not parroting definitions upon request.

[slipshot]

To be fair, Varric is very good with words, I'm sure he could teach me it.

Also I would probably just do something entirely different to distract whoever was so incredibly petty as to kill people over the meaning of words. That usually works.

[degenere]

To kill someone over the meaning of a word suggests a pedantic nature. Impossible to sway. What sort of distraction do you offer?

[aventuriere]

Yes, and tell us more of Varric's facility with tongues.

[degenere]

Do we want to know that?

[aventuriere]

We want to know if he knows that.

[degenere]

Ah. Yes, we do want to know that. Pour l'étude.

[slipshot]

Well, that completely depends on the context. Where are we?

[degenere]

Let's say... a parlor. With a very small sofa. The carpet is a little too small. Maybe two windows.

[aventuriere]

The drapery is heavy brocade, paisley patterned in tones of chartreuse and maroon. The carpet is the skin of a wolf. On the walls hang still life paintings depicting the every day life of a common farmer. The decor is, overall, quite ugly and extremely jarring.

[slipshot]

Hmmmmm. [Gavin is now thinking about this much too hard.]

And the person demanding an answer, or my head? Are they attractive or unbearable?

[degenere]

Mediocre, I would say. The nose is slightly off-center, the mouth a little too large. Good eyes and a fine structure in the cheekbones, at least.

Their clothing matches the wallpaper a little too directly. The same paisley, though the colors are a subtler purple and maroon.