[ OPEN CORRESPONDENCE ] TELL ME BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW

[universal_charm]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Jim Kirk
RECIPIENT: Everyone who wants to listen
WHAT: Two important points of business
WHEN: Currently
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Potential (probably guaranteed) raunchiness

_{[ There's a soft muttering at first - "Does this thing actually work? I think I'm doing this right... okay here goes..." a cough and finally - ]}

Ah, good afternoon everyone. My name's Jim Kirk, and I haven't been here long, but I had a couple of things I wanted to look into, if anyone could be so kind as to provide answers.

First - I'm looking for either a woodworker, merchant, anyone can make or provide a chess board and chess pieces. If you don't know what that game is, I can describe what it is I need, and even teach it to you, if you like. It's a strategy game where I am from that I am fond of, and I would like a little piece of home while so far away from it.

I'm willing to pay, of course.

But now for the really important question....

What are the best and worst pick up lines - either used on you or that you've used yourself?

_{[ It's definitely an important question. ]}

Comments

[gatheringstorm]

Thedas has chess, though I can't say it's one I enjoy. Give me card games any time over there.

...and terrible pick-up lines, huh? They're all boring, to me, because everyone goes for the low-hanging fruit and asks if I'm 'horny'. [Ugh. Be creative, people.]

/quick threadjack

[samahl]

But you are horny. [Sorry not sorry.]

/sidles in to

[universal_charm]

_{[ There may or may not be a clap for you there Cyril. ]}

[gatheringstorm]

Alright, no mercy for you the next time we play Wicked Grace.

[universal_charm]

What did I do?!

[gatheringstorm]

I know that was you, Kirk.

[universal_charm]

You have never heard me clap before!

[gatheringstorm]

You started this whole thing, who else was it going to be?

[gatheringstorm]

[Cue a Disgusted Noise.] That's it, we can't be friends anymore.

[samahl]

Oh no, I take it back then. You aren't horny at all, even if you do have a lovely set of horns.

[gatheringstorm]

Thank you. Please tell me you use better on Taas, at least.

[samahl]

Generally I just start taking off clothes around Taas. That works like a charm.

[gatheringstorm]

[Explosive laughter over here.]

Yeah, I can see how that'd be effective!

[universal_charm]

Haha, I think I'm getting better at Wicked Grace, actually, if you ever want to play again. Chess requires a different mind set - and I've always found it mentally stimulating in an entertaining way.

So, you don't hate them, you just want more creativity?

[gatheringstorm]

Exactly. 'Ox' this and 'horns' that, it gets old. What if someone just kept commenting on how human you were every time they were trying to make a pass? Don't tell me that wouldn't make your ears bleed.

[universal_charm]

Is... is ox a compliment amongst your people?

_{[ Because it definitely wasn't in other females he'd met. ]}

Hah, probably it would. I guess it's different since mostly I've been around humans my whole life.

[gatheringstorm]

It's no more a compliment than calling an elf a 'rabbit'. Which, don't. Humans love comparing us to animals.

And somehow, I'm not surprised. No matter what the realm, humans are everywhere. Though normally I don't mind, it's just the above crap that makes me want to dump ale over people's heads.

[universal_charm]

Right, got it, no animal comparisons.

_{[ See, he knew he'd get good information out of this question! ]}

Yeah, I can definitely see why you would. I'm surprised you keep it to just pouring ale on their heads. I would think that would at least deserve a slap or two - one for lack of creativity, and one for just being insulting.

[gatheringstorm]

It depends on where I am and how persistent they are. I'm at least trying to behave myself in Skyhold, and there are too many eager to label my kind as unthinking brutes. I hate playing into stereotypes. On the other hand, I'm not going to just stand there and take shit.

...though instead of wasting ale, I should keep Cabot's 'miracle hangover cure' to dump over them instead. They'll never get the smell out.

[el_tybs]

Oh Maker, really? They go with that first?

[gatheringstorm]

Yes, and they think it extremely clever.

[el_tybs]

Is there any time that you would find that amusing?

[gatheringstorm]

I'd have to be extremely drunk. Like you probably haven't seen, and no, that little adventure with you and Cyril doesn't count.

[el_tybs]

I think it counts. But you didn't get to extremely drunk, you went straight from sick to passed out drunk.

Did that help by the way? You were a little pre-occupied. [Passed out. You were passed out.]

[gatheringstorm]

That's why it doesn't count, Sam. I didn't earn it, the weird plague shit lowered my resistance.

And it did, thank you. There was a long, beautiful stretch of complete oblivion.