universal_charm: (I Told You So/Raised Eyebrows)
James Tiberius Kirk ([personal profile] universal_charm) wrote in [community profile] therookery2016-05-06 06:34 pm

[ OPEN CORRESPONDENCE ] TELL ME BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Jim Kirk
RECIPIENT: Everyone who wants to listen
WHAT: Two important points of business
WHEN: Currently
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Potential (probably guaranteed) raunchiness


[ There's a soft muttering at first - "Does this thing actually work? I think I'm doing this right... okay here goes..." a cough and finally - ]

Ah, good afternoon everyone. My name's Jim Kirk, and I haven't been here long, but I had a couple of things I wanted to look into, if anyone could be so kind as to provide answers.

First - I'm looking for either a woodworker, merchant, anyone can make or provide a chess board and chess pieces. If you don't know what that game is, I can describe what it is I need, and even teach it to you, if you like. It's a strategy game where I am from that I am fond of, and I would like a little piece of home while so far away from it.

I'm willing to pay, of course.

But now for the really important question....

What are the best and worst pick up lines - either used on you or that you've used yourself?

[ It's definitely an important question. ]
gatheringstorm: (ew gross)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-06 11:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Thedas has chess, though I can't say it's one I enjoy. Give me card games any time over there.

...and terrible pick-up lines, huh? They're all boring, to me, because everyone goes for the low-hanging fruit and asks if I'm 'horny'. [Ugh. Be creative, people.]
Edited 2016-05-06 23:39 (UTC)
samahl: (amused)

/quick threadjack

[personal profile] samahl 2016-05-06 11:42 pm (UTC)(link)
But you are horny. [Sorry not sorry.]
gatheringstorm: (mod 2)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-06 11:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Alright, no mercy for you the next time we play Wicked Grace.
gatheringstorm: (mod 13)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-07 12:48 am (UTC)(link)
I know that was you, Kirk.
gatheringstorm: (side-eye)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-07 02:58 pm (UTC)(link)
You started this whole thing, who else was it going to be?

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-08 02:29 (UTC) - Expand
gatheringstorm: (judging)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-06 11:47 pm (UTC)(link)
[Cue a Disgusted Noise.] That's it, we can't be friends anymore.
samahl: (whoa wait)

[personal profile] samahl 2016-05-06 11:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh no, I take it back then. You aren't horny at all, even if you do have a lovely set of horns.
gatheringstorm: (mod 5)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-07 12:50 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you. Please tell me you use better on Taas, at least.
samahl: (now that we have a moment alone)

[personal profile] samahl 2016-05-10 03:27 am (UTC)(link)
Generally I just start taking off clothes around Taas. That works like a charm.
gatheringstorm: (shit-eating grin)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-10 02:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[Explosive laughter over here.]

Yeah, I can see how that'd be effective!

(no subject)

[personal profile] samahl - 2016-05-10 15:18 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-10 17:10 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] samahl - 2016-05-13 02:44 (UTC) - Expand
gatheringstorm: (attitude)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-06 11:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Exactly. 'Ox' this and 'horns' that, it gets old. What if someone just kept commenting on how human you were every time they were trying to make a pass? Don't tell me that wouldn't make your ears bleed.
gatheringstorm: (horns)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-07 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
It's no more a compliment than calling an elf a 'rabbit'. Which, don't. Humans love comparing us to animals.

And somehow, I'm not surprised. No matter what the realm, humans are everywhere. Though normally I don't mind, it's just the above crap that makes me want to dump ale over people's heads.
gatheringstorm: (shit-eating grin)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-08 02:29 am (UTC)(link)
It depends on where I am and how persistent they are. I'm at least trying to behave myself in Skyhold, and there are too many eager to label my kind as unthinking brutes. I hate playing into stereotypes. On the other hand, I'm not going to just stand there and take shit.

...though instead of wasting ale, I should keep Cabot's 'miracle hangover cure' to dump over them instead. They'll never get the smell out.

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-08 13:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-10 03:24 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-10 14:51 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-11 00:03 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-15 14:08 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-16 05:18 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-17 04:52 (UTC) - Expand
el_tybs: Evan Antin (smile_D)

[personal profile] el_tybs 2016-05-07 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
Oh Maker, really? They go with that first?
gatheringstorm: (judging)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-07 02:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, and they think it extremely clever.
el_tybs: (grin_F)

[personal profile] el_tybs 2016-05-07 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Is there any time that you would find that amusing?
gatheringstorm: (so drunk)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-08 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
I'd have to be extremely drunk. Like you probably haven't seen, and no, that little adventure with you and Cyril doesn't count.
el_tybs: Evan Antin (Default)

[personal profile] el_tybs 2016-05-08 05:40 am (UTC)(link)
I think it counts. But you didn't get to extremely drunk, you went straight from sick to passed out drunk.

Did that help by the way? You were a little pre-occupied. [Passed out. You were passed out.]
gatheringstorm: (smile)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm 2016-05-08 01:13 pm (UTC)(link)
That's why it doesn't count, Sam. I didn't earn it, the weird plague shit lowered my resistance.

And it did, thank you. There was a long, beautiful stretch of complete oblivion.

(no subject)

[personal profile] el_tybs - 2016-05-08 20:08 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-08 23:03 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] el_tybs - 2016-05-09 06:02 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-09 13:22 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] el_tybs - 2016-05-10 02:26 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-10 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] el_tybs - 2016-05-10 03:29 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] gatheringstorm - 2016-05-10 14:51 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] el_tybs - 2016-05-10 23:33 (UTC) - Expand