open;

[hlif]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Asher Hardie
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: How not to freeze to death: slankets
WHEN: Late Guardian
WHERE: Emprise du Lion
NOTES: Feel free to just come find him at any point, or back at Skyhold because he took a trip back to pick up letters ssh timelines shh

Right I'll get straight to the point: there's a lot of really mad wildlife in Emprise du Lion, and I do just mean the wildlife right now though why you'd want to live in a frozen shithole is beyond me, and it's cold, and I'm willing to bet not all of you are exactly used to this sort of thing.  So, for a reasonable price or deal unless we already worked something out, I've got bear and wolf pelt blankets.  Now Asher, I hear you ask, what's so special about these blankets, well the thing is, most people get rid of the head and have something that'd look nice spread on the floor but my blankets?  They have sleeves.  And hoods.  Bear and wolf hoods.  I think you see where I'm going with this, right?  I've got plenty of pelts and I expect I'll find more so if you want a blanket, let me know and I'll get it sorted.  Want a regular blanket?  Boring but you can get that too, or mittens for those long boring nights freezing your arse off on watch duty.  If you just want the pelt?  We can arrange that too and other giblets and what have you, say for instance you need bear balls for some potion or tonic, I won't judge.  

[Everyone has to have a hobby and he was raised not to be wasteful.]

Of course if you keep an eye out for the one and only Christine Delacroix, you won't have to take my word for it and she does a damn fine job modelling what's sure to be the latest in Orlesian winterwear. Unless you want to freeze and lose your bits and pieces to frostbite.

Comments

[aceso]

I only wear it because it is freezing here!

[ She's a little annoyed that she's been name dropped as a satisfied customer. She has an aloof reputation she's trying to maintain here. ]

[el_tybs]

A bear head hooded blanket. You must look so dashing Ferelden in that.

[He's teasing, but that's only because she sounds so put off that she likes it.]

[hlif]

Fetching, Sam. You say that a lady looks fetching.

[Only that’d sound more convincing if Asher wasn’t trying to stop himself laughing.]

Didn’t hear any complaints from you earlier.

[aceso]

[ Christine is so flustered right now. Sam is the worst. Never mind how, he just is! ]

Sam is just being himself. He lives to tease me, and I wished to head him off at the pass.

[el_tybs]

Fetching.

[He chuckles at that. Was that supposed to be a dog joke, Asher?]

Oh, that's just mean. You tease me all the time.

You're probably very cute in it.

[hlif]

Just say the word and I'll feed him to some wolves for you and you can get some mittens to go along with the blanket.

[He would. Also he is so utterly Fereldan that he actually doesn't realise he made a joke.]

Yes, Sam, I was practically raised by a bronto and I know you call a lady fetching because it's manners, you need to learn that one before a lady comes along with less forgiveness and bites your head off.

[aceso]

Oh, that seems a little harsh-- mittens, you say? Hmm. Tempting... very tempting.

[ She kids, but it's nice to put the fear of the Maker into him from time to time, right? ]

Bah, all Sam need do is blush and suddenly all is forgiven. I do not know how he does it.

[el_tybs]

... Did you just suggest feeding me to wolves and making mittens out of me?

[That's more than a little morbid.]

Like I'd let you even attempt that.

[He'll admit that 'dashing' had not been the right word, but at the same time he hadn't thought Christine would want him to say she looked good in bear fur. She'd probably say something about Ferelden drab or other.]

Fetching is not the first word that I would say if I was seriously complimenting a lady, Asher. Ravishing, inspiring, enchanting, and striking are far more elegant.

Blushing. It's a gift and a curse.

[hlif]

Keep your hands nice and toasty without wasting mana. Well, Sam, there’s a reason my company is called the Boneflayers.

[Actually it’s just for beating the shit out of everyone but Sam doesn’t need to know that.]

Do you seriously blush Sam? [Guess who has a new project~] Fetching just hits the ear right, ravishing is for what you get up to with a fetching lady at a party when you decide to make your own fun. You don’t need frilly words when you’ve got fetching.

[aceso]

[ Sigh, Sam. ]

Not mittens out of you. Mittens out of the wolves who eat you. Do try to keep up, Sam.

And Sam blushes all the time. You could tell him "Good job," or "You look nice today," and he would turn red as a tomato.

[ Let's turn this around to embarrassing Sam. That's much better than the focus being on her, isn't it? ]

Fetching is a good word. I would approve of being called fetching.

[ No dog jokes. :| ]

[el_tybs]

Well that's less exciting, Christine. What's better than mittens made by a Ferelden from a Ferelden?

[Clearly he knew they meant the wolves, but that wasn't stopping him from having some fun with this.

Now he regrets with not denying he blushed because he hears the tone in your voice Asher. He doesn't need another person part of that club - it has enough member.]

That is highly exaggerated. I do not blush all the time nor do I turn red from being complimented as such.

[Maybe by certain people. Asher would have to do something completely else. No, he's not giving you any suggestions.]

Ah huh. I'm pretty sure the word works for both instances.

I'll keep that in mind Christine. Fetching for you all the way.

[He'll be nice. For now.]

[hlif]

Because that's creepy and weird, that's a Tevinter thing, maybe Nevarran too actually, they've got that whole love of the dead going on. Wonder how much that'd fetch actually...

[Hear that? That is Asher scratching his beard in deep thought because he probably will end up asking Melisende and Liadan in his next batch of letters home.]

Oh Sam, I bet you're blushing right now. Where are you, I know a few things and they'd make your toes curl too. [Christine back him up.]

[aceso]

[ Christine lets out a disgusted noise because she's not going to discuss how much mittens made out of people would go for. ]

I bet he is too.

[ Wow, no, she is not going to talk up your toe-curling abilities, ser. ]

[el_tybs]

I certainly am not blushing right now.

[Cheeks red from the cold perhaps, but this conversation hasn't rendered him into the stages of turning into a tomato. You're both losing that bet.]

You kind of just offered to feed me to wolves, not sure if I wanna tell you where I am.

[That being said he is a bit curious to what Asher means by that.]

... Like what things?

[hlif]

[The rustling of furs and a tentflap is picked up, the wind a little louder when Asher leans out of his tent.]

Sam. Sam? I bet I can see you Sam. I could send Bronson to hunt you down.

[No he wouldn’t but Sam doesn’t need to know.]

Well I’m a talented man and I’ve travelled far, I know all sorts of tricks they don’t teach you in any Circle. Unless certain stories about the naked parties are true.

[aceso]

[ Shall we keep a running tally of how many disgusted noises Christine can make in a row? Soon she'll rival Cassandra. ]

No, we do not do that. We also do not have naked orgies in the Harrowing Chamber.

[ Under her breath: ]

I cannot believe someone asked me that.

[el_tybs]

I'm pretty sure you can't because you're looking the wrong way.

[He doesn't actually know that, but Asher doesn't need to know that. Course now he's starting to look around to see if he can see the man.

And Sam's counted up to seven, Christine, but he could easily just count them all as three seeing as several of them didn't have a pause in between.]

We do what? That certainly didn't happen in Ostwick...

[Who was writing these stories or asking these questions?]

Just what were you planning on teaching me?

[hlif]

You want to make this a challenge? You went hunting with me, you know I'm good, I don't show mercy.

[And while he's looking, back to the sexy bits.]

So what do you lot do? I mean you're all teenagers and young adults at some point, trapped in the same place, you don't decide to have fun? I mean really, what is a harrowing chamber honestly good for if you're not going to make sure the desire demons are represented somehow?

[Asher. Asher is asking these questions. He has many books he's read plenty of times devoted to this sort of thing. Not a lot of fun to be found on the wilderness when you don't get off with your own crew.]

Apparently I'm going to have to teach you everything by the sounds of the Circles, that is a shocking state of affairs.

[aceso]

Read. A lot.

[ A lot, a lot. Montsimmard Circle's library was huge, and yet there was little in it that Christine hadn't read at some point. ]

[el_tybs]

Yeah, I went hunting with you. I know what to expect.

[No sudden movements just yet, that would certainly catch attention.]

It's not so much that no one decided to have fun... just kind of hard when you're always being watched?

[It did happen, but the Chantry certainly did not want them doing such things.]

I'm pretty sure that none of us want to represent a demon...

Everything?

[What did everything mean? Oh Maker.]

[hlif]

Really? You just...read books. Ponced about in robes. And read more books. And there’s nothing wrong with an audience, especially Templars, they need a thrill every now and then or they just turn to dust and blow away in the wind. Give them a little something to get jealous and sanctimonious about when all they’ve got is lyrium and the bosom of the Chantry.

[A bosom that isn’t really that impressive. It’s very stern and unforgiving, cold too.]

Yeah but they need a little taste, a little tease. There are worse ways to go than by desire demon for instance. Speaking of which, bet they’d know what I’m on about right now Sam.

[aceso]

It is sad how you think Templars would just watch us instead of pull us apart so we don't make any dreaded mage children.

[ A pause. ]

The men and women, of course. Who knows what they thought of liaisons of the same sex.

[ Maybe Sam could enlighten them? ]

You two can just carry on with your thrilling conversation. It is time I bow out.

[el_tybs]

They didn't allow for relations between the same sex either from what I recall. It was still encouraging sex, and the Chantry hardly wanted mages to sin more than they already were.

[Why do you assume he would know Christine? Huh?]

Asher have you even met a Desire Demon? And more than likely, I can't read minds.

[Possible he had while dreaming, but no way for him to remember that.]

You'll have to show me that slanket later, Christine.