OPEN.

[degenere]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Val de Foncé
RECIPIENT: everyone, you cannot escape
WHAT: joke time
WHEN: a slightly respectful length of time after the death announcemet. emphasis on slightly.
NOTES: full offense, but you guys smell

Inquisition.

[Very serious, very Orlesian.]

There were three Fereldans walking the streets of Kirkwall and they came upon a large brown pile. As the streets of Kirkwall are so very narrow, the brown pile was quite blocking their way, so that they had but two choices to them: they could either tramp through the pile, or they could turn back.

The first Fereldan approached the pile, leaned down, and looked very hard at it. "By the Lady!" he said. "This looks like shit."

The second Ferelden approached the pile beside him, leaned down, and took a great big sniff. "Maker!" he cried. "This smells of shit!"

The third Ferelden approached the pile beside his companions, leaned down, put his finger into the pile, and the put his finger in his mouth. "By Andraste's sword!" he exclaimed. "This tastes of shit!"

The three Fereldens turned to go back the way that they had come, saying to one another, "It's a good thing we didn't walk in that!"

[GET IT.]

There! Now our mood is lightened. I welcome anyone that would try to outmatch me in jokes.

Comments

[pinprick]

[Not here, because responding to this man would acknowledge he exists and is related to Nate]

[mactears]

[keenly]

Here's one we have in Ferelden: What can an Orlesian do in five minutes?

Surrender twice.

[mactears]

[loghain has ur back forever now jsyk]

[byblow]

What do the Fex have in common with clever Fereldans? In Thedas there’s never been a confirmed sighting of either.

How do you blind a Fereldan? Hand him a bottle of whisky.

[ Obviously his accent is Fereldan. But going on, he does a passable imitation of an Orlesian when called for. ]

A Fereldan living in Orlais got sick of all the jokes people told about him, so he went home one night and memorized the capital of every nation in Thedas. The next day he told his Orlesian friends what he’d done, and one of them said, “Sure you did, Gareth. What’s the capital of Tevinter?” And he said, “T.”

An Orlesian walks into a tavern in Jader and says, “Who wants to hear a Fereldan joke?” And the bartender says, “Before you go any further, you should know I’m Fereldan, and so is Gareth Lloyd over there, and Gareth Baker in the back, and so’s Moran here, and she’s stronger than all of us. You still want to tell that joke?” And the Orlesian says, “No, not if I will have to explain it four times.”

[degenere]

Aha!

[Not quite a laugh. More like an exclamation of, I get it! But also:]

How does one surrender twice? Was the first not sufficient?

[keenly]

Once for effectiveness, twice for good measure. Ostensibly. But you don't see me picking apart your jokes.

[degenere]

[ASTONISHING. A self-aware Fereldan with good jokes doing a... fairly good Orlesian accent. Val is more than amused, and laughs.]

Amazing. You have done this before, haven't you. A contest of jokes.

[It is a contest so it must continue!]

A Fereldan wins a fantastic horse in a contest. Pure luck! He rides through the streets waving at everyone, so that they can admire his horse. One day, he is accosted by Antivan bandits. The bandits drag him from the horse and draw a circle in the dirt, and they tell the Fereldan, "If you step out of that circle, we will kick your ass." And then they pick up their knives and begin butchering and skinning the beautiful horse. Such a waste, and such a pity, yes?

But when the Antivan bandits look back at the Fereldan, they find that he is smiling. They cut the head from the horse and now, the Fereldan begins to laugh. So the bandits go to him and ask, "Why are you laughing? We just slaughtered your horse!"

The Fereldan says, "I know, but I stepped out of the circle nine times."

[degenere]

Oh no, you misunderstand! I am not picking a thing. It is just that, as an Orlesian who has not surrendered even the once, I would like to understand the protocols expected of me. It is good research.

Perhaps you can help me with something else. You are Fereldan, are you not?

[degenere]

[clearly they do not share the sense of humor gene. quelle sadness.]

[keenly]

[A soft, unvoiced chuckle. There's no malice here, just a little wariness. He'll give the man a shot.]

Yes, I'm Fereldan.

[degenere]

Very good. Or, well-- very.

Tell me, then, if you know. What is the motto of the Ferelden Solidarity Union?

[keenly]

I don't know. What is the motto of the Fereldan Solidarity Union? [This is, after all, polite joke protocol.]

[el_tybs]

There's a gentleman here who overheard your joke and they're very upset. [Please pause as he waits out the triad.] He says that 'they're streets are not narrow'.

[degenere]

[Good man.]

Every man for himself.

[degenere]

Your pardon. Your-- gentleman, was it? He is claiming that the streets of Kirkwall are not narrow?

I invite him to go outside.

[keenly]

...What? Why?

[el_tybs]

Well he isn't my gentleman, but he did hear your broadcast off my crystal- [There's some muffled noises as the crystal is covered up for a moment.] And yes, he is arguing that they are not. He also says he 'invites you to go outside' for... 'words'.

I don't think he liked your joke.

I say it was rather... shitty. [Alright, he isn't fond of that one in particular either, but that doesn't mean he can't have fun with it.]

[limier]

An unfair contest. Our nation is full of jokes.

[degenere]

My friend, it is not a joke if it must be explained! Picked apart, as you say.

[He'll still explain it tho.]

Do you know what is the meaning of solidarity?

[keenly]

Yes, I do. I don't...why are Fereldans supposedly terrible at it?

[degenere]

[Aha. Shitty. Val makes a noise of appreciation at the effort.]

And I say you are more astute than I have heard. Very good!

You know, I did not mean to imply that your gentleman was yours, a possession. I meant only that he was in your crystal also. Now, what words am I looking for?

[degenere]

It is good that you know it! For Fereldans are terrible at the understanding that 'every man for himself' is directly contrary to the word solidarity. It is the negative of the solidarity.

So it is stupidity that we are mocking, you see? And then the joke, it carries with it a layer of the double entandre. Because it also means cowardice, but a stupid cowardice.

[degenere]

We are a very amusing people, it is true. And it is very unfair, how wonderfully marvelous we are across all boards.

I could nearly feel sorry for those not lucky enough to be born Orlesian. I comfort myself with my own blessing.

[keenly]

So...it's not funny. It doesn't even make sense, when farmers stood up against you without any weapons. It's just mean.