kirkwall county fair

[motherfucking_ghost]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Church + Cosima
RECIPIENT: Are you in Kirkwall? Do you have a crystal? Boom you have it.
WHAT: Two good ol Rifters are trying out some food, and nothing is wrong with them at all
WHEN: Early-ish during Phase One
WHERE: Gallows kitchen
NOTES: There will be a coming log for through Phase One! Also, naturally, Church is in blue, Cosima is in red.

GUYS guys guys! And gals. People and persons of all ages, sizes, genders, and races. [That would be Church, with some noises in the background and his non-stop pacing feet, sounding excited and peppy, perhaps just slightly moreso than should be normal. Until you hear what he has to say.] It is my awesome pleasure to invite you--yes, YOU--down to the kitchen to be our lovely taste testers.

I DON'T KNOW IF, LIKE, DWARVES TASTE THINGS DIFFERENTLY; WE'RE GOING TO NEED A DIVERSE TASTER POOL! [The voice is yelled because it's from a distance, though no less excited. It's very much Cosima.] IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

Yeah. Dwarves, too. And literally everyone, seriously, it's for science. Tasty, delicious science.

TELL THEM IT'S FOR SCIENCE--

I got it covered--

--IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!

I got it, Cos!

Ahem. Tasting what, you might ask? Ohhhhhoho, you are in for a treat, cuz, see, we've talked about it, and now it's happening, assholes! Fried food is coming to Thedas! We're frying up every damn thing. ONLY EDIBLE THINGS! Don't tell me what to do, we could fry up rocks, I might fry a chair, you don't know-- LIKE WE'RE NOT TRYING TO KILL PEOPLE HERE! Okay all right, no sense wasting oil I guess.

You guys. are gonna know. the awesome power. of french fries.

...Buuuut since we also don't have super amazing modern technological equipment to measure temperature and shit like that, it's also just going to have to be a try and see process. Hence taste testing. Pros: you get food. Cons: you don't get paid, but I refer to you back to the pros. We're literally doing science for free you're welcome.

Comments

[provenforce]

I used to get paid in food, so I'm not seeing a downside, here.

[motherfucking_ghost]

What--wait, what the fuck did you do that you got paid in food? That sounds awe--wait, no it doesn't. Does it? Was it like...you had to work to even eat situation? Cuz that's way less awesome.

[provenforce]

Work to eat, and the blobfish that I worked for was a miser so he was always cheating me out of fair portions. Not to mention ration food always tastes terrible. Have you ever had polystarch bread?

[youwonscience]

You are totally going to love French fries when we get them right, I promise you. French fries are objectively great.

[dashing]

( uuuhhhhhhhhhh )

What has inspired this... burst of innovation?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Meh, a mix of homesickness and some timely conversations and the two of us going 'hey remember when we were gonna bring Rifter food to Thedas, whatever the hell happened to that'--so now we're doing the thing we've been meaning to do since we were in Skyhold. No time like the present, and also no time like the dead of winter for hot fatty comfort foods.

[trashlife]

[ Free food? Count her in! ]

I'm a dwarf! I'll eat your food!

[ This is probably the most excited she's ever sounded. Or been. ]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Oh my god, thank you, once we've got this shit going, it's gonna be, like, non-stop fried food. You're gonna love it. It's gonna be so cool!

[exequy]

You may have more volunteers if you explain what you are frying instead of what you are not.

[youwonscience]

Do you have any suggestions in particular? I'm making a list.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Veggies, mostly. [He stage whispers:] Cos is a vegetarian, but I totally wanna fry up some meat at some point.

But like, potatoes, onions, uhhh zucchini if we got any, cabbage, fuckin' green beans--honestly, we're just gonna see what's in the kitchen and go from there.

[gottakeeponejumpahead]

....Cosima, love, are you feeling all right?

[Seriously, he's met this woman on numerous jobs at this point. She's never this giddy.]

[youwonscience]

I'm feeling great, actually. Better than I have in a while. And I think this will help morale, nothing like carb-loading when it's cold outside.

...carbs, right, carbs are, like, bread and potatoes. Things that aren't meat or vegetables or dairy, mainly.

[keenly]

I'll do it. Though you know we have fried food, don't you?

[motherfucking_ghost]

I have not seen a single plate of loaded chili cheese fries or fried ice cream in this god-forsaken world, so clearly you guys' version of fried food is inferior.

...Oh shit, do you guys even have ice cream? Do we have to invent ice cream first and then make fried ice cream?!

[iceblade]

Aye, why not? I've an iron stomach, as it is; whatever you give me isn't likely to change that.

[youwonscience]

Nothing should be dangerous. Well. Maybe don't take anything Church gives you without checking with me, he's the one bringing up frying inanimate objects, but I'm sticking to food.

[circleprodigy]

Well, aren't you both productive. [In a way.]

Though I hope you stick to Cosima's advice about edible things, because if I'm to participate, that's all I will try.

[youwonscience]

You're totally going to love cheese sticks if we get them right, I promise you. Not only edible but delicious.

[crowncitizen]

...dude.

[HE'S SO EXCITED YOU HAVE NO IDEA.]

I volunteer whole-heartedly as a guinea pig. Like it's so unhealthy for you but I don't care, I missed fried food. So. Much.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Holy shit please! I knew you of all people would totally be on board with this.

[inagutterson]

If rifter fried food turns you into gibbering idiots, this dwarf is telling you bugger off. Someone sell you both some dodgy elfroot?

[motherfucking_ghost]

I have not smoked up in my entire life. That I'm aware of. We're just excited to broaden some tastebud horizons, my dude. Killjoys need not apply.

[tar_minyatur]

What on Arda is french fries? [ And can he have some? Elros was working on his boat(s). Trying. But this. This is food! Lots of interesting new things! ]

[youwonscience]

Salted strips of potato fried in oil. They're amazing, and you should definitely try some.