how low can you go

[galvanising]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Nell, Kostos
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Just because FMK isn't canon doesn't mean we can't make other terrible choices.
WHEN: Nowish. Late on some evening.
NOTES: Sex talk likely. Bad lyric references inevitable.

Inquisition, how high or low would you say your standards are? Be truthful, none of us here have any interest in judgment, we're just curious. For the sake of comparison. Where do you draw the line, when deciding whether to take someone to bed? Or do you draw a line at all? We promise not to think less of you if you don't.

[ Whoever is with Nell—and you get only one guess who it is—makes a humming noise that's the vocal equivalent of a welllll, maybe facial expression. It is followed by the soft thwapping sound of the back of a chiding hand meeting an arm. ]

To prove we're not here to laugh at you, Kostos will go first.

[ Rotely: ] No one clingy, no one overly coy, no one who tastes like vomit. [ He pauses, because he doesn't actually want to start fights or political debates at the moment, but, as ever, saying what he's thinking without apology wins out. ] No Templars.

[ Nell again, notably not laughing. Somehow. ] There, see? We've no legs to stand on here to judge you, so you may as well answer. Compare notes! Perhaps you'll discover standards you didn't know you had, as I just did.

Comments

auto correct made this “bruh hellfoul” and it seemed fitting

[champions]

No one without passion. No one who does not love the rush of a ship on a stormy sea.

( She’s being helpful )

No men.

[galvanising]

So poetic. But so limiting! I wanted to love stormy seas but they just make me ill, I've discovered.

[exequy]

That is where my rule against vomit becomes useful.

[champions]

And you had so much potential. Alas, it can never be.

[kecharitomene]

For sex only?

( like, the answer's different if she's sticking around in the morning. )

[galvanising]

Yes? As opposed to...?

[faithlikeaseed]

"No one who tastes like vomit" is a good one.

No one without a sense of humor. No one promised to another. No one who'll murder me in my sleep.

[galvanising]

And how do you ensure that they won't murder you in your sleep?

[misdirection_hex]

I've got to confess, my standards keep shedding criteria the longer I stick around here.

Nobody young enough to be my apprentice or old enough to be my father. Nobody shorter than I am unless he's got a truly impressive beard to compensate. Nobody female, but that's nothing against you.

[galvanising]

No offense taken, of course. But too old to be your father could be unnecessarily limiting, I mean some men have children so young.

[elegiaque]

They must have bathed recently, not appear likely to cry during or after, be able to carry on an interesting conversation and physically keep up with me.

I don't think I've ever slept with a Templar or a mage, though not particularly by design—

( wait )

No, nevermind, there was one mage.

[galvanising]

You had me with bathed recently and unlikely to cry, but then you took off on flights of fancy with interesting conversation. Has your life been terribly lonely, with such lofty requirements?

[iceblade]

Someone with an adventurous soul and a shite-load of stamina, who can follow instructions. No devout Andrastians, so that already has me at a disadvantage around here.

[galvanising]

That may be the ideal, but what is the least that you would accept?

[insatiably]

I heartily agree on no clingy ones. Also, no one who smells like they've been rolling around in animal dung. No one who lies there like a dead fish. Beyond that, hmm... I can put up with quite a lot if it's only for one night.

[exequy]

This far south, being particular about smells can be very limiting.

[ungovernable]

Kostos, you've lowered your standards.

[exequy]

I’ve expanded my horizons.

[justnice]

Well, it, uh. It has to mean something, doesn't it?

[ this is perhaps more of a question than a declaration. ]

[galvanising]

...if you want it to?

[ sure, kid. nell considers making fun, of course she does, but it's such an earnest answer. she's not a total monster. ]

That's the question, is what do you require. Do you want it to always mean something?

[exsecutus]

So this is the Inquisition.

[faithlikeaseed]

This is the Inquisition.

It's a wonder some days we get any work done around here.

[elegiaque]

Terrifying, aren't you all?

[wickedchase]

Once upon a time, I would have said plaidweave.

But I think someone can confirm this is no longer the case.

[arlathvhen]

[ Disgruntled noise. ]