crystal; open

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi
RECIPIENT: Open
WHAT: If you had the chance to change your fate...
WHEN: Backdated to closer to the start of the year (life why are you like this)
WHERE: Gallows
NOTES: Likely to get into some Carta things as well as discussion of less than ideal childhoods and mercy killings. Hit me up if you have concerns/want to skirt around things.

How d'you leave a thing if a thing was always you? [Not the best opening line, he needs to back up a bit.  Compared to last time on the crystals where it was putting on an old pair of boots that don't fit right now, it's not as bad as before.  Less sharp.  Just someone deflated as if they've been trying to climb a thing only to consider their stamina for the venture.]  Like say you grew up with a story taught in the cold, dark, damp but it was all yours in your bones same as that thing so even if it was full of knives those are your knives, and you're not some soft thing. And the story was about some siblings who go out one day by the docks. One get gets caught in a rope and the other one ties themselves to it to haul the other in but they both drown. They get called sentiment and hope.

[Carta bedtime stories aren't like your typical bedtime stories.  Yngvi is aware of that, thanks, the embarrassed almost laugh gives it away.]

So say that was your bedtime story, and you-- you were complicit in big things but you grew up that way so you were a kid, and you ate all your siblings because otherwise they ate you... how do you leave? I mean can you? Or do things grind you up to dust and swallow you down instead?

Comments

[provenforce]

Sometimes you just have to leave. Part of you will always want to go back, but... you can't.

[inagutterson]

Even if it claws? Because this is-- this is family. My family. And the Carta because you can't split them apart, believe me I tried but that doesn't work.

How d'you live with always wanting to go back to something that hurts, I don't get why bits of me don't know better.

[provenforce]

I can't say a lot about family-- I don't remember mine. They left me when I was a child.

But if they're not good for you, and it's poisoning you and ruining your life... You try to look to the people who care about you now. Those who know you and want to help you. It might not be easy to leave your past behind, but you might be happier.

[inagutterson]

Mine left the other ones who didn't do things good enough. [Left them to fend for themselves. If you're in Darktown, where else do you go?] That happens in Dusttown. [He pauses, unsure why he says it but people should know. Should hear what happens down in the dark. That or he's just trying to ease his guilty conscience.] Sometimes families tell their children to leave their children in the Deep Roads because their daughter had a son of the wrong caste or something like that.

Happier. [Rolling that one around is—well some days are just a slog. Other days are lying there trying not to let the day grind you down to dust.] I don't know if I know people that've done that before. It wasn't an option. Here you're…you're what you are. You're a dwarf and you're this thing or that. I don't know what I'd end up being I've always been in the Carta even in the Boneflayers.

[provenforce]

I don't think mine meant to leave me. Something must have happened to them. [ It's a lie she's been telling herself so long, that she might actually believe it, now. ]

[ Anyway that's not important, on to the other thing. ]

I think you're wrong. You've always been Yngvi. You'll still be yourself, just... don't define yourself by where you are in life. You're a person, and that'll be enough for anyone who cares to know you.

[inagutterson]

Lots of things happen that aren't their fault. [Yngvi can agree because Rey is good and kind, and parents to people are lost through no fault of their own. What they're living through now undoubtedly is leaving an army with similar tales.

He's not sure what to say in the face of that though. His life has been compromised of being a part of something. Needing to still be one of Asher's boys even in death.]

I've never looked at it like that before. Thanks Rey.

[provenforce]

I have a lot of experience being no one. If you need any tips, I'd be happy to share.

[ She's mostly joking, but she had lived a very solitary existence, had only just been learning what it was like to be a part of something when she came to Thedas. She's still not great at it, some days. ]

[inagutterson]

Rey-- [How to word this without sounding like an arse overstepping, a day in the life of Yngvi.] You're not no one, y'know? Not to me. I know you're not from here, and I dunno know what that's like but, you're a mate. And you've been good to me. You've been there. If you need someone, not saying I'm going to be good I mean...all of this but...yeah.

[How eloquent, he's embarrassed, that was embarrassing.]

[provenforce]

[ Awwww Yngvi! ]

Thank you, Yngvi. That means a lot to hear. [ Like seriously, this girl did not have a lot of friends before coming to Thedas. ] And I feel the same. You've been a wonderful friend to me.