I...I did something for the patriarch of my family, my father, in Dusttown where in the end we had to kill Casteless. And he-- it was just a transaction. But things I did before were part of it, what happens to them then and now, and the food I did get or the clothes that was--

[Breathing, he needs to do that when his voice rises with that sharp hitch.]

It's a big rope, it's really big, and I don't know what I'm letting go of if I let go.