crystal.

[byblow]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Alistair
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Warden housekeeping
WHEN: Now

Hello, Inquisition. This is Alistair.

Since there are so many new faces around, I need to let you all know that are Wardens here. We're relatively safe to be around, none of us are bound to any demons, the griffons are ours but we're sharing, and if you have any complaints about the noise, how much food we eat, or our hygiene, you can swallow them, because we're busy.

Any serious complaints, though, you can bring to me. Or to Nathaniel Howe. Whichever of us you think is less handsome. I'm keeping a tally.

And if you're traveling anywhere darkspawn like to hang about, let us know. We can send someone with you. If you slip us some coin, we might even make them bathe first.

[ By them, he means himself. He's the dirtiest. ]

Comments

[aventuriere]

Busy with what?

[byblow]

Talking to each other about how important we are to the survival of Thedas. Obviously.

[aventuriere]

That does seem to be Wardens' particular specialty.

[justice_is_blond]

Some of us take advantage of having baths here, and often take advantage of it. Then again, some of us aren't Fereldan.

[He's on a roll today.]

[byblow]

Bathing causes colds. It's why Orlesians sound like that.

[justice_is_blond]

If you ever catch a cold from bathing I'll heal you and you'll not have to suffer it long. I recommend testing your theory a little more often than you currently do.

[unbrokenoath]

I don't remember agreeing to bathe. Next, you'll be making my dog take a bath, too.

[byblow]

I'd never. How dare you.

[unbrokenoath]

You're already walking a dark path, Alistair. Who am I to know how far you'll go?

[circleprodigy]

[Inessa was just listening quietly, but Garahel has to go and reveal her presence when he whines loudly at mention of bathing.]

Wonderful, now mine will be paranoid for some time.

[unbrokenoath]

Alistair is a menace.

[faithlikeaseed]

I would like to lodge a complaint in that I don't know how handsome any of you are because you haven't bothered to describe yourselves and I'm left to go off which of you smell the least like darkspawn blood and wet dog.

[byblow]

Damn, that is an oversight. But I can make it simple. I'm the handsome one.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

They are all wrong - my brother is the handsome one. He's tall, broad shouldered, got dark hair and blue eyes, and that ... uhm ... pouty-face thing that some people like?

Clearly, Hawke good looks that pass through the bloodline - win.

[shotgunsakimbo]

So what do Wardens do then? Besides be relatively safe to be around and not bathe.

[Genuinely curious, but also couldn't help himself.]

[unbrokenoath]

You know how everyone here isn't dead? That's all us.

[ichaer]

Eat a lot and sleep poorly too, mostly. So we hang around in dark corners and drink a lot.

[justice_is_blond]

Some of us bathe and don't eat enough, but still also don't sleep enough. And have a cat.

[byblow]

—and in between all of that, we fight darkspawn.

[ Thanks, team. ]

[mactears]

[Someone is clearly listening to his baffling exchange without contributing to the discussion.]

[unshadowing]

Save the world every few ages or so, kill a lot of darkspawn in between, learn to loathe the Deep Roads more than anyone else in existence, and empty the pantries of inns everywhere we go.

Also ask people really nicely for supplies because we have no income and the order is pretty much run on bloody donations.

[sunshinethroughgrey]

We also help the Inquisition with their on-going battle against the forces of Corphy-face, he of the Grandmother dress, with our wit, our experience, our research and our pure nerve.

And sometimes, we just set Kaisa on them. She's the fierce one.

[unshadowing]

What do you mean, we're "sharing" the griffons? They've always been part of the Wardens. Everyone else can piss off and stick to their horses.

[byblow]

Always except for the last few hundred years, you mean?

[sunshinethroughgrey]

And Also - We do sell knitted goods, baked goods, and other frippery to donate to the Warden cause - namely saving the world from darkspawn like that giant one that put a hole in the sky, remember him?

Please see Bethany Hawke-Darton to purchase or donate ...after all, we need to buy soap to force Alistair to take a bath.