sending crystal.

[degenere]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Valentine Nicasus Maxence Mérovée Olivier de Foncé
RECIPIENT: everyone
WHAT: a complaint
WHEN: immediately
WHERE: Kirkwall
NOTES: excessive whining

Inquisition.

[Hello again it's Val, very Orlesian.]

Or should I said, traitors. When a man dies, it is customary to gather the family together in the most comfortable--or uncomfortable, if it is a family that deserves punishing--and read aloud from his will. Even the most foolhardy of men must have such a document prepared. Or else how will he, upon his death, deal one last blow to those who would grub for his worldly possessions, and deal one last kiss upon the cheek to those who he loved so well and in his love, found deserving of his best things?

An example. In my will, I have written: to Freddie, I leave half my books. To Jehan, I leave the other half. And if both are dead--as they must surely be, if my will is being read, for we would have perished together, the three of us, united as we have been for so long, no doubt embarked upon some fantastical quest the like of which only a small number have been privileged enough to have lived--then I leave all of my books to the great library University of Orlais, the place where my heart truly resides.

In my will, I have not written: to the Inquisition, I leave the right to give away my position. What is more--

[Loudly, now--] I WAS NOT DEAD. I am not dead. I am alive. And now I must prove such a thing? Absurd! And then, the insult that compounds the injury: now I find that as I bear this grave indignity, I must also bear demotion?

It is unheard of. Uncouth. I suffer. By the Maker, I will make all suffer with me.

Comments

[ragweed]

[Someone's in deep shit. That someone is whoever has to deal with this guy--and thank the Paragons that someone isn't Kit.

Still, he's suffering all right. Even deaf in one ear, he heard Val loud and clear.] ...anyone know how to turn the volume down on this thing?

[degenere]

[Insulted and loud and used to getting what he wants, a triple threat.]

Why, monsieur? So my complaint might be forgotten? I assure you that it will not be. My voice will not be suppressed.

[ragweed]

[Wincing, and holding the crystal at arms length,] Yeah, I'm definitely getting that impression.

[degenere]

Good! Then you see, surely, that I have the right of this-- this injustice, and you will add your say to my complaint!

to everyone

[ragweed]

Yeah, sure, you got it--[anything to make him discover the life-changing magic of putting a sock in it.

With underwhelming enthusiasm,] Give this guy back his job.

[degenere]

[If Val could make a banner of this underwhelming endorsement, he would. In tasteful colors, and in a good solid font, so that its underwhelming qualities might be swept under the blind of beauty.

He takes a moment to appreciate the words. Ah.]

Everyone will hear this, and they will-- well, not be terribly convinced, perhaps. But they will be encouraged toward conviction.

Tell me, my friend, would you commit these same words to paper?

[ragweed]

Would I--what?

[ragweed]

[ragweed]

...sure, why not.

[degenere]

Excellent. You are truly a discerning man, possessed of great intelligence. This choice only confirms it. And I will say as much to anyone that should ask of you, Monsieur...

[He trails off, so Monsieur Helpful can provide his name.]

[ragweed]

[This is definitely a huge mistake, but like all of Kit's previous huge mistakes, he decides to embrace this one with both arms. If you're going to do a thing badly, do it with gusto.

Sigh.] Kit Gandir. [A pause.] You know my endorsement won't make a damn bit of difference, right? I don't even know you, salroka--what'll I say if they ask my opinion? 'He said the job used to be his, give it back'?

[degenere]

Monsieur Gandir. Truly, it is my pleasure.

[Good manners, yes, but it is also a pleasure to find anyone that will support the Cause.]

And do not trouble yourself. I will give you my essays and papers to read, so that you can speak of my career and my worth with great confidence.

You do know how to read, yes?

[ragweed]

Yes. Sometimes. It comes and goes. [Selective illiteracy. Very selective.]

[degenere]

Very good! I shall start you simply, of course. “Mechanized Artillery and Siege Weapons of Antiquity". The words, they are mostly small. In the moments in which your literacy comes, you should be able to comprehend it. In the moments in which your literacy goes, you can set it aside to consider the illustrations.

And then you can speak confidently for me.

[ragweed]

[He's fully prepared to be bored out of his skull by this experience until he very suddenly isn't. That... actually sounds pretty cool.]

You got it, salroka, [he says, and provides him with directions to his office--the Other Powers office. ...If he's the head of the Other Powers project, it follows that he was probably just bullshitting about the illiteracy thing.]