ota | cheap thrills

[anacardiaceae]

FORM: Sending Crystal
SENDER: Pamelia Islain
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Maudlin birthday musing
WHEN: Now, late night sometime during mid-Frostfall
WHERE: Wherever you happen to be (Pamelia is in a corner of a garden)
NOTES: nyet

[ It is late, and the voice coming through the crystal is quiet. ]

My mother used to say that the day of one's birth was not a celebration of that moment, but a celebration of all the moments after that led up to you being alive, and a bit older.

[ Pamelia sighs. ]

But what does one do when they find themselves regretful of being a bit older? Of surviving, and living, through strokes of luck and stubbornness when others have not?

[ Happy 21st to her. ]

Comments

[demonicbeauty]

[She sounds so desperately sad. It tugs at Ariadne's heartstrings, quite a bit. And she immediately replies, her voice gentle and soft.]

I've never understood the celebration of one's birth. My people don't do things like that.

How do you celebrate here?

[anacardiaceae]

It depends, I suppose. Everyone is different. Some give gifts, or receive them. Some do nothing.

[demonicbeauty]

And what did your mother do?

Voice

[tallasaking]

Better a birthday than a funeral, my lady.

[anacardiaceae]

Some might argue that, in particular cases. Even mine.

[tallasaking]

Perhaps they would - or perhaps they simply haven't seen all the options they have by still breathing.

[eolasemah]

Dirth'ala ma.

[No translation or context is given.]

[anacardiaceae]

I'm sorry, I don't...

I don't know the language of the people.

But thank you.

[alankazam]

Would they have wanted you to die?

[ It's flat, there's no confusion in his voice. ]

[anacardiaceae]

Probably not. [ The reluctance of someone who doesn't want to answer the question but does anyway. ]

Those that killed them did, likely.

Do you know of Dairsmuid?

[alankazam]

And who would you rather listen to?

It's North. Near Antiva.

[ So: No. ]

[ungovernable]

It is a hard thing, to live in what feels like the place of another. But to live is not only a gift but a responsibility, and when we live as others cannot, it is all the more important to live thoughtfully and wisely.

( gently; ) When you cannot be glad of what you have, give a little of it back. Be thoughtful. You are not a memorial to the past; you are a promise of a future.

[anacardiaceae]

[ Torn between touched and embarrassed, Pamelia curls into herself a little before stretching out with a sigh. ]

To that end, I hope I have been doing well. In giving back.

[ungovernable]

I have seen no cause for complaint, dear. I can certainly be glad of your birth.

[gatheringstorm]

Survivor's guilt can only take you so far. Trust me on that. Regret will eat you alive if you let it, so don't. Take advantage of that luck and stubbornness to keep going and help others do the same. Sometimes, that's all we can do.

[anacardiaceae]

I like to think that's what I've been doing. Helping others to keep going. [ She rubs a fist against her chest. ] For the longest time I hated everyone. I didn't want to make ties or bonds.

Now, things are different, and I'm not sure I deserve it.

[gatheringstorm]

Does it truly matter? You're here, now, where you can make a difference. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Private

[justice_is_blond]

It seems the thing to do in that case is to surround yourself with friends.

[He's quiet.]

To be with people who are glad they made it another year.

Private

[anacardiaceae]

Not a bad idea.

I suppose I'm unused to friends, sad a statement as that is.

[justice_is_blond]

It's not the most uncommon statement from mages, unfortunately. Making friends is risky when they can vanish at any moment for any reason, or no reason at all.

I don't... I can't say I know you or you know me enough for the term friends, but if you'd like to sit and have a drink at the tavern, I'd not be opposed.

[eternalsquire]

Um. There are still moments. I'd think. To think about, or to... Something?

[anacardiaceae]

Kif.

Thank you. For being my friend.

[eternalsquire]

I'm glad to be your friend.

[There's an awkward pause. Comfort is... not something he's skilled with.]

You're a good person. Sometimes people don't survive but that's not your fault. There's so many wars going on.

[leadseasy]

[She sounds sad. It makes Yael frown, remembering that this girl was nice to her.]

Do you mean you feel guilty for surviving when others didn't?

[because hello feelings she is super familiar with]

[anacardiaceae]

Yes.

I didn't survive because I was the best, or the smartest. I survived due to sheer circumstance.