[ OPEN ] Sesso, Carcere, Sangue, o La Fama

[ombranera]

FORM: Sending Crystal
SENDER: Zevran Arainai
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: Brief Announcement, Sex, Jail, Blood, or Fame?
WHEN: Current
WHERE: Kestrel House
NOTES: Possible mature themes and stuff.

As of this moment I would like to announce the availability of my Kestrels for contracts. Any marks that align with the desires of the Inquisition will be given a discount, any requests from the Inquisition proper will be done Gratis. Likewise if you feel you are skilled in the art of subterfuge and murder and would wish a guild with which to align yourself we've opened our ranks.

Serious business aside- we are scattered quite a ways now, we members of the Inquisition, and the months have been quite hard, there has been much traveling, much fighting, and I am willing to bet more than a few wild nights in the past few weeks. The time has come, I think, for another Antivan Game. Sesso, Carcere, Sangue, o La Fama.

The rules are simple: you share a sultry tale of a carnal evening, a time you spent in or around a prison for whatever reason, personal injury from which you have recovered, or an incident meeting with someone famous. A musician, a composer, a member of those that saved the world during the fifth blight, the Champion- etc. I have a fine bottle of Antivan brandy that will go to the most remarkable and engaging of these tales upon your return should you be in Orlais, or in the morning after all the tales have been told. Be as elaborate or as brief as you like, and should you find any tale in particular quite entertaining and think it ought to win? Say so. I shall consider all opinions equally.

Comments

[arlathvhen]

One time, I met the famous assassin Zevran Arainai. He was quite charming and very nice, even if he has a strange fondness for making the people around him use lotions.

[ She's helping. ]

[ombranera]

Your heels are cracked and it makes me sad, Beleth. That is why.

And pandering to my vanity will absolutely work, feel free to continue.

[amygdalae]

[IN THE DRIEST TONE POSSIBLE:]

This person called Alistair Therin thought it would be great to compose a song about me.

[Since Kaisa so nicely reminded him about it...]

[ombranera]

Do you recall the words? This is something I simply must hear for myself.

[mythalenaste]

Someone in our clan put acorn butter on the roof of a halla's mouth once.

[ombranera]

I...am not certain that falls into any of the four categories, unless the member of your clan was put in Dalish jail?

[extramural]

When I was a child- [ and there is a pause, here, as though he's started speaking before really realizing it, but then he continues ] -and even now, the unfortunate children of the continent would attempt to fetch pearls from river krusts. They are shellfish, but quite large; the size of one of Thedas's mabari, at least in height. They grow along the edges of water, of course, but unlike other shellfish, they spit caustic acid as a defense mechanism.

Many orphans died, trying to fetch a pearl. Many nobles have jewelry made of river krust pearls, with no thoughts of those who died to fetch even one. I was always careful, and yet I once was beaten with the edge of a sword for refusing to fetch a pearl for a rich man. When I was taken to become what I am, one of the rings I was adorned with was made of such a pearl.

[ He pauses. ]

I have since outlived that man by centuries, and none now remember his name. I still have the ring. Orphans still try to take pearls from river krusts, and river krusts still destroy all those who come too close.

[ombranera]

That is...a strange and harrowing tale indeed. I cannot fathom a creature such as that, though I can easily imagine a world where children are forced to work around them in hopes of a reward only to die.

[ Shit's getting a bit real here, more than a little. There's a shifting of fabric, a soft burble of laughter from Lucci as Zevran combs his hand through his son's curls. ]

Perhaps we ought to be glad that the only risk in diving for shellfish in Antiva is drowning.

[byblow]

One time the Black Shadow tried to kill me.

It


was awesome.

[ombranera]

You are more than welcome to elaborate at your leisure, good ser.

[obi_wanmanshow]

The struggle here is to find a story where I won't have to explain what everything is.

[There is a pause while Obi-Wan deliberates on the merits of explaining a Death Star, on trying to say anything about Coruscant, and briefly lands on the embarrassing incident with the Geonotian Queen before discarding each in turn.]

Well, there was the time I was captured by rogue Mandalorian assassins. They called themselves the Death Watch if that tells you anything about their mindset.

[ombranera]

They watch for death? That seems quite dull for a guild of assassins.

[eviscerates]

One time I was asked on a date by a mouse, framed for his murder by the king of a lost realm as part of his revenge against the identical twin of his adopted son and was shackled in prison before being chased by a mob with pitchforks.

[ombranera]

...Can we go back to the beginning where you were asked on a date by a- you said mouse, yes? Mouse. A mouse asked you on a date. You were courted by a small animal that nibbles cheese.

[chainlightning]

Oh! I went with Hawke to the Black Emporium of legend a few times! And Xenon spoke to us!

[ or maybe to himself who knows ]

There was also a golem called "Thaddeus Gigantus Crumbum the Third".

[ombranera]

Crumbum.

[ Sorry, that's what he's taking away from the story. ]

Are you- are you quite serious?

[samahl]

I was going to make a joke about meeting you, and then I thought that others might have already done so.

No need to be predictable.

[ombranera]

Ah, but you must certainly have many a sultry tale to tell, Tesoro.

[Private]

[circleprodigy]

[Maybe she'll relate something that can be shared with others later, but at the moment, this needs to be said.]

I met a group of famous people, actually. Or rather, they became famous through their deeds, one of which I was grateful to be a part of. When I was a very young apprentice during the Blight, about eight, the tower that had been my home was overtaken by horrors. There was nowhere safe, and nowhere to escape, not with the entrance sealed. I huddled with the other children, with only a few other mages and a barrier standing between us and everything else.

It could have easily been the end of us, but a group the likes of which I had never seen before were allowed inside; Grey Wardens, an Antivan Crow, an apostate witch, and others. They seemed so fearless, striding past the moment that barrier was down. The other mages tried to keep me back, but I still listened as they cleared a path through the first floor. Room by room, the horrors retreated. When they returned with the First Enchanter, I knew we were safe again. I was too shy and overwhelmed to speak with them at the time, which I came to regret. Though when the Circles fell later, I kept them in mind and decided to follow the path of the Grey Warden. I wanted to save lives, as they had.

[And then she sounds a little self-conscious, knowing that this isn't exactly keeping to the spirit of a game.]

...I don't need the brandy; I just wanted you to know that I remembered what happened there, and am grateful.

[Private]

[ombranera]

[ For a long moment there is silence- the faint burbling nonsense words of his son as Zevran thinks back to that Tower. To the abominations and death, to Wynne and Cullen and all those frightened faces at the base of the tower. The terrified eyes of the survivors above. ]

We did what we needed to in order to gain the aide to end the Blight. To me? It was another impossible battle on top of many more we already survived and many more yet to come. That, I think, is what must be taken away more than a desire to save lives.

Yesterday was impossible, tomorrow more still. But with a ready blade and comrade watching your flank? You too might manage to kill the old gods.

[unbrokenoath]

I'm gonna combine two of those, 'cause that's how my life rolls.

So, I was hookin' up with Asher, right? In Emprise du Lion. Got a sock on th' door and everything. But my tentmate was that Galadriel lady, and I guess they don't get sexiled wherever she's from, 'cause she barges in and flips out. I'm just like 'hey I'm busy you mind', expecting her to be like 'oh sorry there let me leave', but no, she kicks me out of my own tent, into the snow, buck ass nude. Well, you gotta draw a line somewhere, right?

Ending up fighting with her, still naked as the day I was born. And not the good kind of naked wrestling, either. Got a black eye from it. Never met an elf who threw a punch that hard before.

[gatheringstorm]

[Excuse Korrin while she has no other response to this but helpless laughter.]

[easternseaqueen]

Well, I don't know if I've told you this one.

Anyway, so I actually ran into the son of an Antivan merchant-prince--I forget which one, he wasn't keen to talk about his family--on shore leave once. He said he was a musician, not interested in his father's business dealings. I don't know if he actually was, but mmm, he certainly knew how to make me sing once we got behind closed doors. Would you believe I actually sprained a knee in the process? It was that good. Absolutely worth his father putting me in prison the next morning for... How did he put it? Debauching his heir. Well, the dear lad was all swept up in the romanticism and came to break me out. Not with a key, mind you--he had some daring escape planned. It worked better in his head, I think. That's how I got that one scar on my shoulder. He begged me to take him away for a life at sea. I laughed and left him on the shore. Hopefully it gave him some good songwriting material.

[ombranera]

Was the boy's name Arturo? I think I may have run into him myself afterward. I think it was a habit of his, trying to find dangerous and lovely people to run away with, his father imprisoning them and such. I was there to kill his uncle and thus had no time to linger about, I am glad to hear he was as skilled as he was pretty.

[kallian_endris]

I... don't know if it really counts, but...

When I was very young, one cold, wet day... Detlef--Anders, I guess you'd call him--found me in the marketplace. I was alone and hungry and cold, and... he gave me a tart. Still warm, even. When no one else even wanted to notice me, let alone be kind to me.

And, of course, a handful of years later, my alienage was saved by two Wardens and their companions. I was saved. You even remembered me years later.

[ombranera]

That seems more infamous than famous, but what a kind, heartwarming story, isn't it Lucci? [ A gleeful burble. ] Ah, yes. The heartstrings, they are tugged.

[marilaine]

I'm no storyteller but here is my tale. You asked for one of personal injury, well...

When I was younger a man did not like that I was better than him. He decided I needed to be taught a lesson and so one night after filling up on liquid courage attacked me with a broken bottle. I do not know if he meant to kill me or only maim, but he scarred me, and I learned my lesson well.

[ombranera]

That is a sad tale indeed, bella. A sad truth of the world that these things happen so often.

[seesobserves]

[Sherlock may or may not have interest in the brandy, but he'd never pass up an opportunity to show off.]

My stories have more to do with sending people to prison rather than going there myself, but I can think of at least one eligible example.

[ombranera]

I would love to hear it, my friend.

[wontforgetyou]

Think I've the same problem as some of the others where I'd have to find something that doesn't take a lot of explaining, but...there was the time where we had to face down that unicorn. It was a fearsome beastie, mind - like a horse, with a great horn upon its head, and out for blood.

The first time I saw it was in my dreams, and I'd not even had a name for it. But the second time - aye, well, that was a close call. My friends and I were there when it spotted us. It didn't hesitate and charged right for us, head down, ready for the kill. There was no place to run, no way to get away from it, and I knew we didn't stand a chance. We were done for for sure.

But then the strangest thing happened. The Doctor told Zoe and me that it was a legend, and if we didn't believe in it it'd go away. I thought he was daft, mind, because anyone with eyes could see the murderous beastie right there. But Zoe and I did as he said, and said it didn't exist. And, if you can believe it, it froze right in place, stopped dead in its tracks. When went to take a look, it'd turned into a cut-out of a unicorn. Like a-a big drawing that someone'd propped up somewhere, and harmless as a fly. We'd made it go away just by refusing to think it was real.

[ombranera]

...That sounds like some manner of fade dream made real, truly. It became a- a painting of a Unicorn, simply because you said it was not real? Fascinating.

[el_tybs]

Is this game something that everyone plays or something that comes straight out of Antiva?

[First it was that marry, bed, kill game, and now this. Amusing, but who came up with these?]

I suppose...

I've sent a man to prison and ended up imprisoned myself, as lucrative as it was. I've survived a building blowing up, been put into a coma, snatched by a revenant, mauled by demons, and chased by phoenixes. And I suppose I've met quite a few well known people, what with being in the Inquisition, but probably the most notable in my mind is nearly getting on the wrong side of a certain assassin on our first meeting.

[Short and simple, but he's got a story for everything. Course he's leaving out any mention of sultry tales.]

[ombranera]

Pick any of these to elaborate upon, Sam. I find myself full of burning curiosity over all these tales-

Well, save for the last. We know how that one ends well enough, do we not?

[dreadinquisitor]

There was that week at the Grand Tourney-- but I think I can hear ears turning red from here, so maybe not that one?

...Some time ago, while on holiday in Rivain, I met someone. Someone... [trailing off, a pause] I can't give his name. He's still very much a thing, and so is his family and I have enough trouble with my own. But there was wine, ruined sheets, and a spirited debated regarding the show-runner change in Queen Madrigal. In that order.

[ombranera]

An impassioned affair prompted by wine and opera! You are a true romantic, Maxwell.

[justice_is_blond]

So hypothetically, the Inquisition could request you eliminate a certain former magister who is running around, and request it for free?

[He sounds very amused for a moment before he heads onward. No one is hiring an assassin to kill Corypheus.]

But I believe you requested a story. So let's see. There's one where I could tuck three and a half of those in, actually.

I was somewhere in the vicinity of thirteen when I dumped the contents of a barrel destined for the shore and stuffed my gangly self in for a very tense boat-ride as two Templars chatted and rowed. They reached the shore and headed off before unloading the barrels, thankfully. It took far longer than it should have, and probably far shorter than it felt like, to rock the barrel over and get out, but then I was outside. No Templars, no glares. It was magnificent... except this was the first time I'd felt a late Fereldan autumn.

[He lets a pause linger there for a moment.]

I discovered that day that freezing rain was real. And that it's very hard to run in mud when you've never tried it before. I also discovered a striking young man standing on the edge of a fast-moving river, looking in. I stopped. It wasn't what I would call a smart move, and partly because I only spoke a little common by then. He looked at me when I stepped on a stick - apparently they still make a snapping noise even when everything is absolutely sodden - and the look in his eyes was one of absolute sorrow.

We'd a conversation that was mostly gestures and random words. I actually never figured out why he was so despairing, though I've no doubt he tried to tell me. What matters is that after a lot of hand gestures that grew increasingly, deliberately ridiculous, we wandered back to his particularly fine home where I spread him out on the carpet and tried to make him forget it for a time. It worked.

Of course, it also made me forget that I was running away. So shortly after we were finished and saying things to each other that the other didn't understand, there was a pounding on the door. We scrambled for clothing, I went for a window... and met a very solid fist. And then a solid Smite. And then a solid foot, and it gets a little vague after that, aside from him protesting and finally managing to give me an amulet with an inscription I couldn't read.

I got hauled back, spent two nights in a cell, three days healing, and five days figuring out that the man whose life I'd saved was a Bann and he'd written his thanks on something very useful and more valuable than anything I'd ever owned in my life.

So there. Sex, a cell, injuries, and Bann Ferrenly may slightly count for famous around Fereldans. I'm not certain.

[ombranera]

He most certainly would! Ah, now this is a fine, romantic tale that proves that even without common tongues- we still have common tongues, yes?

[thetyrant]

A small clarification first: does it have to be a person who is famous here, or can they be famous where we are from?

[Cause. Rifter.]

[ombranera]

So long as they have fame in one world or another, that ought to suffice.

[foxsays]

So once, a good year or so before a rift ever pulled me from my home into another world, I was a very good thief. And I still am a very good thief though I have less cause in Skyhold to steal than I did in Castileos. A girl likes a challenge, and after robbing almost all of the noble houses at least once I decided it was time for something very new. Something grand.

Naturally stealing the queen's jewels was the only course of action I could take.

[Zevran knows the full version of this story but whatever, people can get Araceli's edited version if they'd like.]

Now, as I said I am a very good thief and so Lux and I did this properly. We conducted all the proper sorts of recon one is expected to conduct, we planned down to the last detail but then you just have to throw caution to the wind sometimes and go for it. So off I went. Mierda, my heart was pounding so loud the whole time! But I got there! To Her Grace's private chambers. Where there were assassins for no queen worth her salt is not the target of plots but I had my blades and my pistols, and they didn't know I was coming. She was incredibly gracious about the whole thing truth be told and you don't want to know how much I bought with the jewels I went home with in my pocket.

I should have asked for a kiss too.

[Spoiler she is working for and banging that queen but like Zevran and Korrin know that bit.]

[lettersfromhome]

A marvelous idea. I'm quite enjoying the stories.