The HANGMAN'S PAPERS, Numb. 5

[cozen]

FORM: Printed, on paper of noticeably poorer quality than last time
SENDER: THE HANGMAN'S PAPERS
RECIPIENT: Everyone, via its appearance overnight in their pigeonholes in the dining hall
NOTES: Feel free to use this as a crystal/enchanted book catch-all post for anything your character wants to say or write in response! (Or make your own post. That's also fine.)

Numb. 5
THE HANGMAN'S PAPERS
Published for Riftwatch, in the Gallows of Kirkwall
Summer 9:50

---

CONTAINING,


NOTES FROM KIRKWALL, Ed.: A brief-as-possible update on the state of reconstruction in the city, including comments on the recent or expected reopenings of a handful of popular establishments that suffered extensive damage or fatalities, instructions for those who might wish to make a donation to Perky Perkins' family in light of his death, and the relaying of some brief words of gratitude for Riftwatch's assistance with the attack and subsequent clean-up from the locals, including the Guard Captain and new acting Viscount Tethras.


MONSIEUR FARNON'S EQUINE ADVICE, Siegfried Farnon: Siegfried's submission was clearly meant to be a notice of the services he offers, and that's included, but it represents about 15% of the piece. The remaining 85% ends up being an explainer about how horses react to stress and why it's important not to subject them to it more than absolutely necessary. It's accessible and reasonably interesting (assuming you care about horses), if presumably not what he started off planning to write about. The editor has rearranged this submission to make the notice of his services a coda rather than an introduction and to heavily imply this will be a regular feature in future editions.


IN THE FIRST PLACE, Anonymous. Ed. note: Answers will be posted to the bulletin board in one week.

ACROSS 4. Wilds 5. A mountain and a 'round' tower 8. Direction of coming 9. Restless waters 10. Bottomless ravine 13. The end of the world? 16. Everywhere, but no one's destination 17. Not Briala's 20. Graves' green

DOWN 1. Vints' drink 2. Dumat's domain 3. Stinking pools 6. Witches' marshes 7. Cartographer's dream 11. Broken ice 12. Whispering sands 14. Counted mounts 15. Damned rises 18. Untamed gorges 19. Where 1 Down watches

ARE YOU COMPATIBLE? A TEST OF YOUR CHEMISTRY!, La Moore: This quick, six-question quiz will help you determine whether or not you and somebody of your choosing are compatible. It is not restricted to people you are already in a romantic relationship with, or are pursuing romantically! You can test the bond between yourself and whomever you please. If you answer the questions truthfully, you will discover the true meaning of the time that you spend to-gether.

PLEASE NOTE: This quiz was made all in good fun and is not encouraging the quiz-taker toward anything in particular. But at the same time, if you do find that you and your companion have actually been madly in love with each other all along, please, celebrate it!

BEFORE YOU START: Sit quietly for a moment and hold a picture of your companion in your mind's eye. Think very hard about them. Rotate this mental image of them carefully. Examine it from all angles! After you have achieved this, you may proceed. Good luck!

Here is the quiz.

Question one: What do you think of your companion?

A. They are terrible and I loathe to share this organization with them (+0)
B. I hold them in tender regard (+2)
C. I am secretly in love with them! (+3)
D. They don't much cross my mind at all (+1)

Question two: How do you spend the bulk of your time together?

A. Getting to know each-other (+2)
B. Working closely at our desks (+1)
C. Doing work-related things, only speaking when necessary (+0)
D. Sharing food and fun conversation! (+3)

Question three: Do your political views match those of your companion?

A. Our political views are the same (+3)
B. Sometimes we have disagreements but we more or less agree on the same things (+2)
C. We have shouted at each-other over politics before and we will do it again! (+0)
D. Politics has never come up between us and I hope it never will (+1)

Question four: Have you ever shared laughter?

A. Our senses of humor are not similar (+1)
B. We share laughter commonly and it strengthens our bond! (+3)
C. What is there to laugh about? (+0)
D. Every so often we will giggle in unison (+2)

Question five: What will you get them for Satinalia?

A. I will ask them what they would like and then get that (+2)
B. I'll say happy Satinalia to them in passing. Or I will mean to, but forget (+0)
C. A small, forgettable token so as not to be rude (+1)
D. A meaningful and beautiful gift, obtained in advance (+3)

Question six: If you and your companion are friends, would you consider taking things a step further?

A. We are not friends (+0)
B. Yes and I dream of it! (+3)
C. I would end our friendship if they tried to pursue me (+1)
D. I am not trying to further things, but I would not say no if they ended up heading in that direction (+2)

RESULTS

0 – 3: MORTAL ENEMIES!

Oh no! You really don't like this person at all and maybe even hate them. That's okay; we can't be expected to get along with everybody in the world. Is there a particular reason you dislike them so strongly? Perhaps you should take a moment to sit and think about it very carefully and see if you can reach an understanding. If you can't: oh well. You tried!

4 – 8: STEADY ACQUAINTANCES!

Most people feel this way about their work colleagues. You work well in tandem but do not know each other very well outside of Riftwatch's context. It is perfectly fine to think of somebody this way but may I suggest: ask your companion some questions about themselves to get to know them better! You may find that you have things in common and it could be very fun.

9 – 14: WARM FRIENDS!

How lovely! You are friends, maybe even very good friends. You like each other and spend time to-gether. This is a very happy place to be with another person and I commend you for it but have you considered that you could be more? For fun, you could entertain it and see what happens. If you don't like the thought of it, you can stop right away and no harm is done.

15 – 18: ETERNAL LOVERS!

They have written books about the kind of love you experience! Congratulations! How lucky! Not only are you and your companion completely inseparable but you are the envy of your peers and everybody loves to hear about your shared feelings. You should talk about them more. It could make somebody's day!’

A CIPHER, Anonymous: 15-7-7-14-16-23-17

With instructions for submitting material for future publications.

Comments

[cozen]

No. I'm sure I wouldn't recognize them now. But I hope they got married.

[ Next question: ]

Do our political views match? [ Scanning the possibilities. ] They must mean angry shouting, no? Not like the other night. That was only loud talking.

[bouchonne]

Hm.

[ Here, his smile turns a little crooked. ]

I think we do not precisely match, no. Given that I am an oppressor of the honest man, and you are his champion.

[cozen]

[ A little snort, for both descriptions. ]

Name two honest people you've oppressed in the last year.

[bouchonne]

Well. Not in the last year. But I am of deeply oppressive lineage, no?

[cozen]

You cannot be an oppressor by blood,

[ as he goes ahead and marks B, ]

anymore than you should be a king by it.

[bouchonne]

Hah. Gracefully done.

[ With a grin - ]

With verbal finesse like that, you should write a pamphlet or something of the sort. Some sort of championing.

[cozen]

There's an idea,

[ as if it's new, and not the millionth time By's encouraged him. Bastien nudges him with his shoulder. ]

Now it wants to know if we laugh together.

[bouchonne]

Every now and again. Yes.

[cozen]

Mm. Does it strengthen our bond, would you say? Maybe we should test it. One, two, three—

[ Laugh. ]

[bouchonne]

[ A loud donkey’s bray. ]

[cozen]

[ At the first sign of nonsense, Bastien shifts his laugh, too, to a high-pitched maniacal titter.

Apologies to whoever is in earshot.

When they've settled again, he's still grinning. ]

Does our bond feel stronger to you?

[bouchonne]

Yes.

[ A broad grin of his own. ]

It had been ten thousand; now it’s ten thousand and two.

[cozen]

And when we reach one hundred thousand we will meld together like that—

[ Oh, no, this is distasteful. But it's too late. ]

—Enchanter did here. What was his name. Orio?

[bouchonne]

Orsino?

[ He screws up his mouth thoughtfully. He is right there along with Bastien in the tasteless joke. ]

We’d make a terrifying monster. Is that on there? How many people would swoon if you melded together?

[cozen]

Mmm—yes.

[ He points to the paper, where there is no question at all. ]

Right here. That is another three points. Thirteen so far. I think we are doing great.

[bouchonne]

What do we win, anyway? For being the best couple.

[cozen]

[ Bastien doesn't need to check the results section below the quiz, given he personally read it, arranged it tiny letter by tiny letter, and read it again. ]

Encouragement to talk about our feelings in public more often.

[bouchonne]

[ Byerly, suddenly extremely intense, reaches over and grabs Bastien's hand and says, fiercely: ]

Then we must win. People need to understand the meaning of true suffering.

[cozen]

Our shared feelings,

[ he should have said to begin with. ]

I'm not suffering.

[bouchonne]

No.

[ Cruelly: ]

But they will suffer, and suffer horribly, once we start talking endlessly about how infuriatingly happy we are.

[cozen]

No!

No, look here, [ brandishing the paper— ] it says everyone loves to hear about them and we could make somebody's day.

[bouchonne]

Oh. No, then I'm not interested. I only want to ruin people's days.