006.

[propulsion]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Tony Stark
RECIPIENT: All
NOTES: Corresponding OOC post.

Hey,

[ —literally days after that one particular network post, Tony's voice snaps dad-like across the network. ]

Everyone calm down, or I'm cancelling Satinalia. Which would be a travesty, 'cause guess what, it's come early.

I need some items field tested. I'm putting up a piece of paper outside of the dining hall and I swear to god if there's not at least one dick on it when I take it back by the end of the week I'm going to freak out.

Long story short, I need at least one of each of the following:

A person who wears plate armor, or some armor. A person who uses a shield. A person who is real good with heights—actually, maybe a couple people, in case one of you doesn't make it. Someone who's only pretty good with heights and likes to climb things. And some generally combat-ready folks who can test out a few other bits and pieces for me.

Last item is I call dibs on a top bunk in wizard prison.

Bye.

Comments

[earpiest]

What do you need testing, exactly?

( She is ✨👀✨ incarnate. )

Is this the Provost? If yes, where in the mad scientist spectrum do you fall? Like, “straight up diabolical,” being a ten, and “necessary evils but transparent” being like— a five? I guess deliberately misleading people or knowingly doing stuff could be anywhere from eight to twelve— I should have planned this out before I started talking.

[propulsion]

Hello yes this is Provost Tony Stark, also known as reigning joust champion the Iron Man and high functioning mad scientist, how can I help you.

Honestly today I'm just inventing hang gliding, so I'll give myself a low six.

[earpiest]

Oh, really? Or is that euphemistic hang gliding, and actually it’s going to be so much worse?

I didn’t know that Iron Man would be a jousting title rather than a triathlon thing here, but I guess that makes… sort of sense. Anyway, I was told I should talk to you if I want to do Research stuff. Which I do, hi.

[youwonscience]

Technically mad science is really only about being reckless, it's not an ethical judgment.

You need a good-evil/mad-boring grid, not a linear scale. ...six does feel right, though.

[positioning]

You will give us these things? For us to take into the field with us?

[propulsion]

[ God, Christ, of course. ]

You have to give them back or they come out of your wages.

[positioning]

Of course, yes, you must have them back. Certainly, certainly.

I imagine they are very expensive. Handmade by our Provost, once cannot put a price on such things.

[heorte]

Will this damage the armor?

[propulsion]

'The armor' being my armor I'm getting you to test, so maybe, and that's fine. And bee-tee-dubs, you don't get a say, you're definitely helping.

[heorte]

As is expected of members of Research?

[ ha ha ]

[arkitect]

I take it you also require the risk factor of these items to be tested?

[well, never any shortage of people for that.]

[propulsion]

I think that one's between you and the Maker. I hear he doesn't like pussies.

[arkitect]

Ah, fonder of dogs, is he? I suppose any deity would prefer the loyal.

[anyway.]

But I may well be able to assist, on the... generally combat-ready end.

[read: he is going to make someone else do it for him first to see if it seems safe or not. the results come out either way, it's Fine.]

[acreage]

Do we get hazard pay for this?

[propulsion]

No. What? No.

[acreage]

I'm just saying some extra motivation might help.

[ he says, like he doesn't fully intend on helping regardless. ]

[notathreat]

I'm good with heights and climbing, and this sounds like it's gonna be a g-

Well. It'll be a time. Count me in.

[propulsion]

Thank you.

[ Finally, someone who's not asking so many questions!! ]

[notathreat]

Are you gonna tell me what kind of stuff you're testing, or is that part of the surprise?

[bouchonne]

I'll come visit you.

[propulsion]

Aw.

[ Slightly hindered, eating something as he replies. ]

Now I'm looking forward to it.

[helpinghidinghaunting]

[The voice across the crystal is small and raspy.]

I will help, if I can. I...I am not afraid of heights. Or climbing. Or fighting.

[propulsion]

Tight.

Any of those you actively like?

[thereneverwas]

Don't use a shield much anymore, but I was trained in 'em.

[propulsion]

Okay.

I'm not taking down names right now, by the way, there'll be a piece of paper, hopefully with dick graffiti.