crystal, some evening in Cloudreach

[thereneverwas]

FORM: crystal
SENDER: Barrow
RECIPIENT: everyone
NOTES: this is real, a direct result of this

Good evening, Riftwatch.

In the event that any of you should come across a certain Orlesian scoundrel whose mustache is still growing back, please inform him that his presence is requested at the Kirkwall City Jail.

And maybe give him a wallop upside the head, if it please you.

Comments

[heirring]

Who did away with their—?

[Le gasp.]

No.

[thereneverwas]

Your display of concern brings a tear to the eye, Miss Poppell.

[heirring]

My concern over Monsieur Royan not being incarcerated?

Are you acting as an assistant to the City Guard now, Ser?

[thereneverwas]

Let's say his presence is being requested from inside the city jail.

[heirring]

Oh!

Oh yes, I see! Why, how resourceful to have contrived to keep your crystal on you, Ser Barrow.

[thereneverwas]

Thank you.

I thought so.

[heirring]

You're welcome.

Will you be released soon, do you expect? Or is it conditional upon Monsieur Royan's presence?

[thereneverwas]

It is conditional on the goose's presence.

[heirring]

Then how happy that Monsieur Royan has escaped to be an agent of your rescue! It will be much easier to locate the animal if you are not both in custody.

[thereneverwas]

How happy indeed.

[heirring]

Not to worry, Ser Barrow. Myself and Monsieur No Longer Mustached will see to your rescue. In the interim, you must merely make yourself as comfortable as is possible.

[thereneverwas]

[with grudging appreciation,]

Thank you, Miss Poppell.

[heirring]

Again, you are quite welcome.

[cozen]

It is temporary.

[heirring]

Oh don't say so! You must promise to let me witness your upper lip before it goes back into hiding. I am so dreadfully curious.

[cozen]

If you would bring some berries or—whatever a goose might like to eat, you could come see it now.

[heirring]

I know nothing at all about geese, but I will ask about the poultry yard and see if anyone there knows and bring you whatever it is they like best directly then. Where shall we meet? Or is your current location to be kept a secret, given your status as a fugitive from the law?

[cozen]

I am, [ more quietly, ] in Hightown, lying very low. If you let me know when you are close, I can meet you.

[heirring]

I will be the very spirit of discretion until then, sir. I hope the ground is not too uncomfortable.

[indissection]

Where is he hiding? I must see him.

[thereneverwas]

If I knew that, Madam, I would not be asking you to punch him for me.

[cozen]

There is no need for violence, monsieur, and I am not hiding. I am looking for your goose.

[indissection]

What did you do to his goose, darling?

[thereneverwas]

MY GOOSE,

[indissection]

What happened to the goose?

[thereneverwas]

that remains to be fucking seen

[cozen]

The goose is missing. Lord d'Asselin's goose. Monsieur Barrow is a suspect in its disappearance—wrongly. Do you know anything about geese, Lady Rutyer?

[indissection]

Little beyond eating them, I'm afraid. It is hardly my area of expertise. Still, it is a shame that someone has lost something so valuable.

[cozen]

[ Hushed: ] No! I'm innocent.

—as are you. Désolé. But I am innocent and fast.

[thereneverwas]

Innocent of goose theft, perhaps.

[cozen]

We will clear this up, mon ami. Don't worry.

[thereneverwas]

If I die in jail for goose theft, it's you I'll haunt first.

[cozen]

Then I will be happy to see some part of you again, however malevolent.

[poleaxed]

And you had to get yourself busted while I were away.

[thereneverwas]

[a deep and defeated sigh,]

Jone.

[poleaxed]

I'm boss at prison breaks.

[thereneverwas]

I believe you. But somehow, I suspect that might make things worse.

[poleaxed]

Life's a gamble, Bar, or we'd not be having this conversation, would we.

[thereneverwas]

We'd not be having this conversation if I hadn't been wrongfully accused of goose theft.

[poleaxed]

Just... just one goose?

[thereneverwas]

Just one goose.

[poleaxed]

Kirkwall's such a puckered arse about Fereldans, swear to Andraste.

Were it a posh goose?

[thereneverwas]

Oh, terribly posh.

[poleaxed]

That'd explain it.

If you're still in when I'm back, I'll knock it down, eh?

[thereneverwas]

Ever a mate, you are.