Hey, here’s a word of advice. Don’t eat the fucking berries by the fucking hot springs! What’s up, Gallows Crew, we’re fucking trapped in a mother fucking jungle!

[ After Jenny Lou’s very sensible, important announcement, Athessa chimes in with something less helpful: ]

Oh shit, you ate them? You shouldn’t eat those, they’re wacky. And don’t breathe in the pollen from those big flowers, either. Made that mistake myself.

[ There’s a muffled sound like someone attempting to slap the crystal off ]

I was a fuckin’ horse when I ate ‘em, how was I supposed to know they’d fuck me up as a person? I’m trying to be cool with literally all our fucking bosses here.

[ More muffled slap-like sounds, during which the crystal actually does stop sending...then starts again. ]

Wait. Wait. Does that mean that the berries affected you as a horse? Or were you fine as a horse and just didn’t like...digest them? And they’re over there, it’s fine.

I dunno, nobody taught me shit about being a shapeshifter. And it’s like the opposite of fine, literally like the top five people I least want to see me wasted are right over there.

Well...that’s fair. I’ve been wasted in front of Yseult and she’s terrifying. Like, enough that I stopped drinking. At all.

Okay, real talk, do you have a list? Cus I fucking have a list.

A list? Wait, shh! [ A pause, full of suspicion and jungle sounds. ] Nevermind. Thought I heard somethin’.

Gods fuckin ducks, don’t freak me out like that. Okay, for real though. Scariest div head list. What’s yours?

[ Athessa doesn’t even hesitate to rattle them off. She’s clearly thought about this. ]

Yseult, Thranduil, Flint, Byerly.

[ Jenny Lou makes a noise that’s either agreement or ambient, hard to say. ]

Dude! Totally!!! I mean kinda. It’s Thranduil, Yseult, Byerly, Flint for me. Mother fuckin’ high elves are scary shit.

[ Speaking of high elves, Athessa snorts. Because. High elves. ]

I guess. He’s wicked tall, which is intimidating. But Yseult has that like… disappointment is a weapon vibe.

Yeah… But that’s kinda hot, sooooo…. Wait… you turned off the crystal right?

I turned mine off, did you turn yours off?

You literally saw me turn- Oh…. Nope. I did not turn mine off.

Shit.

Welp. New game, fuck marry kill, division heads edition.

Wait...Is it off now?