Very Important Survey

[windyvoice]

FORM: Crystal
SENDER: Jenny Lou
RECIPIENT: all u crash queens and motor babies
NOTES: aaaay

Hey so. How the fuck do you learn magic here anyway? Cus like a lot of you got that teacher vibe and I think I might actually need one of those.

Also while we're at it, on a scale of 1 to 10, how hard would I get burned at the stake if a normie caught me doing magic? Hypothetically speaking.

Comments

[heirring]

[puts ear directly to this keyhole]

[exequy]

What does it mean to be burned at the stake more or less hard?

[ Kids these days. ]

[windyvoice]

If they use dry wood, you die from the burns. If they use wet wood, you die from suffocating on the smoke and it takes longer, which sucks more.

[gentlecountry]

Y'know by some measures, dying of smokes inhalations is considered quites merciful.

Not that I expects it to come up.

[windyvoice]

Okay, but which takes longer, dying from smoke or dying from burning up. Like I'm pretty sure both suck a fucking lot, but if we're gonna make distinctions here...

[gentlecountry]

Ohhh, technicallies dyin' of smokes inhalations takes longer, but you're unconscious for pert near the whole process, don'ts feel a thing. Now I seens folk die of burns, and it is a painful way to go. Lots of screamin.

[bouchonne]

Au contraire. Suffocation goes much more quickly and is much less painful.

[windyvoice]

I figured there'd be a lot of screaming anyhow, what with the whole dying thing. Like I don't expect to go into this all brave and stoic, ya know?

[windyvoice]

No shit? Suffocation freaks me the fuck out, so I always figured it was worse.

So okay, I guess burning to death kills you harder than suffocating on the smoke.

[gentlecountry]

Don'ts expects you'll be dyin. Plenties of magic ruckuss arounds this place all ups and downs, can't be that addings one more'll trouble anyone.

Good on you for lookings for a teacher, though. Smart folks knows their limits.

[windyvoice]

I mean I'm probably gonna die, right? But like as not as it's burned to death for doin' a magic, that'd be cool.

I dunno if it's knowing my limits anyway. More like I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. Except the shape shifting, I'm pretty okay at that.

[bouchonne]

Most certainly. If you're burning without smoke, then the routes of death are bleeding out - hard enough when the flames cauterize the wounds - or I suppose sheer shock. Which wouldn't happen quickly. Dreadful stuff.

[gentlecountry]

That's a fair point, everybody's got to go sometime.

Good lucks to ya, miss, ah... what was your name, now?

[windyvoice]

Okay, yeah, that sounds like super shitty. I'd be like the worst barbecue ever.

So is that a thing I need to worry about or what?

[windyvoice]

Jenny Lou. You're one of those Wardens, yeah?

[exequy]

Yes.

[windyvoice]

Oh shit okay, so don't do magic in front of the normies. Gotcha.

[windyvoice]

That doesn't solve my how the fuck do I learn magic problem, though.

[gentlecountry]

Warden Bartolomeo Bjurnsen, at your service. Most calls me Barty.

[bouchonne]

Why is this a goal of yours, dear girl?

[windyvoice]

Because I can do magic, but I don't actually know how to like... Do it, ya know. Like Matthias can.

[windyvoice]

Cool. Hey, do Wardens do magic?

[bouchonne]

You Rifters are a strange lot.

[gentlecountry]

Ayup, if they're mages. Gots us a fair supply of mages in the Wardens, as it happens, though as I recalls not present at the moment, unless I missed one.

[windyvoice]

It's strange that I wanna learn how to use something that could keep me from dying in a war I didn't sign up for?