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GOOD MORNING VIETNAM
FORM: crystal
SENDER: athessa and jenny lou
RECIPIENT: accidentally everyone
NOTES: hallucinogenic grass
Hey, here’s a word of advice. Don’t eat the fucking berries by the fucking hot springs! What’s up, Gallows Crew, we’re fucking trapped in a mother fucking jungle!
[ After Jenny Lou’s very sensible, important announcement, Athessa chimes in with something less helpful: ]
Oh shit, you ate them? You shouldn’t eat those, they’re wacky. And don’t breathe in the pollen from those big flowers, either. Made that mistake myself.
[ There’s a muffled sound like someone attempting to slap the crystal off ]
I was a fuckin’ horse when I ate ‘em, how was I supposed to know they’d fuck me up as a person? I’m trying to be cool with literally all our fucking bosses here.
[ More muffled slap-like sounds, during which the crystal actually does stop sending...then starts again. ]
Wait. Wait. Does that mean that the berries affected you as a horse? Or were you fine as a horse and just didn’t like...digest them? And they’re over there, it’s fine.
I dunno, nobody taught me shit about being a shapeshifter. And it’s like the opposite of fine, literally like the top five people I least want to see me wasted are right over there.
Well...that’s fair. I’ve been wasted in front of Yseult and she’s terrifying. Like, enough that I stopped drinking. At all.
Okay, real talk, do you have a list? Cus I fucking have a list.
A list? Wait, shh! [ A pause, full of suspicion and jungle sounds. ] Nevermind. Thought I heard somethin’.
Gods fuckin ducks, don’t freak me out like that. Okay, for real though. Scariest div head list. What’s yours?
[ Athessa doesn’t even hesitate to rattle them off. She’s clearly thought about this. ]
Yseult, Thranduil, Flint, Byerly.
[ Jenny Lou makes a noise that’s either agreement or ambient, hard to say. ]
Dude! Totally!!! I mean kinda. It’s Thranduil, Yseult, Byerly, Flint for me. Mother fuckin’ high elves are scary shit.
[ Speaking of high elves, Athessa snorts. Because. High elves. ]
I guess. He’s wicked tall, which is intimidating. But Yseult has that like… disappointment is a weapon vibe.
Yeah… But that’s kinda hot, sooooo…. Wait… you turned off the crystal right?
I turned mine off, did you turn yours off?
You literally saw me turn- Oh…. Nope. I did not turn mine off.
Shit.
Welp. New game, fuck marry kill, division heads edition.
Wait...Is it off now?
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[ She's quick with an explanation, in case that was rude: ]
The pollen is making me hear things, and I don't recognize your voice. I wanna make sure I'm not talking to nothing.
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And how long has it been affecting you?
( hm. is she going to sober up or is her body shutting down? maybe she should have led with that. )
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Do we have a healer with us? If not, I'd also like you to stay here with me so I can keep an eye on you while you're under these effects.
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[ Wait but-- ]
Oh, you're here! Where are you?
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[ Pause. Then: ]
Is that high pitched keening actually happening or a hallucination?
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( there's nothing pointed about the clarification, just patient. blah blah whatever that other stuff, back to what joselyn's interested in. )
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It is strictly a flower thing, I am referring to the flowers mentioned.
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however, )
I've asked her to remain with me under the same observation.
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we're not fuckin' gENJI
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