Smooth Waters | OTA

[gentlecountry]

[There is a sound of crackling paper and a faint, birdish noise. After some delay, as if to gather his thoughts, there comes a voice in an odd, drawling accent. He is eating something from a paper package.]

I feels that, given the circumstances, some congratulations are in order.

[The paper rattles. crunch crunch crunch crunch]

Now, t'be fair, I had heard a good deal of rumors before comings here. Why, to hear some people's talk, you coulds be building a new chantry everys-other day and they'd say it was just so's that you could burn it down in the mornings, but I still expecteds a lot of poor management here. But.

But.

I sees now, [crunch crunch crunch crunch] That I oughts to be calling it allegedlies poor management.

Griffons. Real live griffons. And I thought yous were full of it, when I heard! And do you knows, Warden Teren's been called deads out in Antiva? Now there's a lie what's getting somebodies in trouble. And it might be that I'm the new warden in town and alls, but as I sees it, I owes you an apology, each and every ones of you, don't mind saying.

Seems you could be doing a lot worse.

[crunch crunch crunch crunch. The paper-rattle is getting quite loud now, must be nearly empty.]

I'm Warden-Constable Barty Bjurnsen, bys the way. Pleased to meet'cha all.

Comments

[justice_is_blond]

Antiva? Why did you leave Antiva to come to Kirkwall? You could do better. Griffons are lovely, but this is still Kirkwall.

[A short beat.]

This is Warden, um. Howe.

Crystal

[gentlecountry]

[He volunteered for the job, believe it or not.]

Well, seeings as your senior wardens was all told about as dead... I likes to be a use to folk, that's all.

[Barty's pause is somewhat longer, and more confuse.]

How what?

[justice_is_blond]

Howe good I am. At nearly everything.

[Fun and hiding from the inevitable at the same time? Sign him up.]

Luckily reports of Teren being dead are greatly exaggerated. Other people, on the other hand, may wind up dead if all of her daggers aren't returned to her. You should make sure that's been attended to.

[gentlecountry]

You gots a commandin' grasps of the humorous, and that's what I appreciates about you. I'll be leavings the knife-finding to folks what has the skills to do so. Don't know about yourself, but I personally would prefers to only be givens knifes by a friend.

[But he didn't get to his position by being stupid, so after he's done appreciating Anders' goof, he thinks a moment, crunching through another handful from the paper package.]

Not Nathaniel Howe?

[justice_is_blond]

[Maybe this won't go so poorly after all. Time to see.]

No. His husband. Anders. Nate's no longer a Warden; I cured his Taint.

[Sure, he could say he's cured Nate of the Taint, but why skip the obvious innuendo jokes?]

[gentlecountry]

[There is a significant pause. Barty's eyebrows are doing something very interesting.]

No shit!

[He is genuinely surprised, and even delighted. Certainly he isn't doubting— if Anders were going to lie about something, that would be a particularly poor lie to issue, and easily resolved by any Warden who cared to have a glance.]

Anders, then. Well! You're a very interesting sorts of fellow. Seems I'll just haves to stick arounds after alls, even if Warden Terens not dead.

[justice_is_blond]

[He's braced, the 'no shit' has him braced all the more... and then Bjurnsen doesn't do more than call him interesting. Anders breathes out a sigh of relief.]

She's running us rather well, I'd say, but I'm certain she'd not turn down an extra hand. Have you met the griffons yet? They're rather exhilarating to ride.

[doneisdone]

[UNEASY STARING AT THE SENDING CRYSTAL]

[gentlecountry]

[STARE TOO LONG INTO THE CRYSTAL AND THE CRYSTAL STARES BACK]

[chainlightning]

The griffons are wonderful, aren't they?

[ HEART EYES ]

It's nice to meet you! I'm Merrill.

[gentlecountry]

Yes, ma'am. Though to be fairs, it seems like any bird of that size might be pretty wonderful on its own.

Merril! Mighty pleased to meet you.

[chainlightning]

Oh, very true! But these are griffons.

[ Her smile is plenty clear in her voice. ]

Bring them sausages; Ghostface, at least, loves them.

[gentlecountry]

Ghostface!

[Now that's a name!]

Well. That does make sense on accounts of their purportedly predatories nature. Then agains, t'be fair, who don't like a nice summer sausage or two?

[chainlightning]

I think even my horse would eat a summer sausage.

[ Granted, her horse scares people. ]

[circleprodigy]

It's heartening to know that more Wardens have arrived, even as it seems reports of death amongst our seniority were premature.

I'm Warden Inessa Serra, as well as Griffon Keeper. The griffons are a handful, but I love them all. I hope you find one that you can bond with, if that's your wish.

[gentlecountry]

Ah, you'll be the miss with the griffon from earlier, who was helping out on the docks, is that right?

[He admires your initiative madame.]

Oh, I'll be content just to knows they're here, no need to get all enclosures of the commons ground. I'd be more than happy to have a guided tour, if you're free— though I understands there's been something of an upset, today.

I do have what'cha might call... timing.

[circleprodigy]

Ah...yes, today has been rather...well. You have seen for yourself.

[Chaos, but in the best way.]

I can try to find myself free in about an hour, if that suffices?

[gentlecountry]

That'd do very well, thanks you.

[byblow]

Nice to meet you, Warden-Constable. I'm Alistair.

[ Manners! He has some. But also: ]

When you have time, we'll need to put you through some tests.

[gentlecountry]

Ooh, izzat so?

[Manners and cheek in the same breath. What a day; might as well embrace it.]

Well, I've never been one to backs down from a challenge. 'Cept that once, with my good buddy's cousin, on accounts of his penchant for longwinded speeches and it being just as easy to go chorin' as to puts a more elegant solutions to the problem and all. Anywho— What'd you haves in mind there, Mister Stairs?

[byblow]

We have to be sure you aren’t under Corypheus’ influence.

[ Which, like. They probably do need to do that. But in his experience it’s been fairly easy to do, once you know the signs, just by keeping an eye on people the normal way. ]

So, to start, you need to call Corypheus the very worst insulting name you can think of.

[gentlecountry]

Like a cuss? Or likes a name I wouldn't much care to be named?

[These are important distinctions. Barty is quiet for a moment, thinking, and then gives his answer in the bluntest, most matter of fact way he can:]

Sand.

[byblow]

That's—

[ Wait. What? ]

What?

[gentlecountry]

You seems like a nice, polite sorts of boy, so I'll try not to curse in front of yous, if I cans; it's not polite.

[There is a pause.]

Sand. If you were from Orzammar, you'd understand.

[byblow]

[ A nice, polite boy. He's getting that embroidered on a shirt, so he can wear it, and point to it whenever anyone accuses him of being an impertinent, mouthy bastard. ]

Sand.

[ All right. ]

Is it an Orzammar secret, or are you allowed to explain it to me?