crystal

[bouchonne]

FORM: crystal
SENDER: Byerly
RECIPIENT: everyone
WHAT: "Who would win in a fight between Spider-Man and Batman": Thedas edition
WHEN: eh
WHERE: everywhere
NOTES: ORLESIANS VS FERELDENS, GO

Rifters, here in Thedas, we've had a debate raging for years. One that is far more important than the mage question or the elf question or the question of the sex of the Divine. Attend closely, dear demonspawn, for the nuances of this argument, which goes deeper than the theological.

The question is this.

If the Black Fox went up against Rat Red, who would win?

Comments

[cozen]

Raging among Fereldans, perhaps.

[bouchonne]

What - have you no love for your Fox, my dear inkmonger? Or do Orlesians simply know the answer in their hearts, and as such have given up on providing any defense of their hero at all?

[cozen]

Just as we have given up defending stone walls from butterflies.

[sarcophage]

Went up against... in what sense?

[bouchonne]

Why - a battle of wits, of course.

[sarcophage]

Hmm. Wouldn't it all depend on who's writing the story?

[rowancrowned]

Does either have a cape?

[cozen]

An Orlesian folk hero would never be caught without.

[bouchonne]

Don't listen to Bastien. The Fox was most certainly periodically stripped naked, and not in a pleasant way. Rat Red, on the other hand, never lost any cloaks to a bad hand at gambling.

[rowancrowned]

Orlesian nude, or Ferelden nude?

[aforethought]

Reckon a terrier could give them both a toss, and that's points for Ferelden anyway.

[bouchonne]

I'd object, except that I quite agree with your conclusion. It's most certainly points for Ferelden. Well done, my countrywoman.

[aforethought]

Right, what do I win?

[sclavus]

Debate raging for years? Never heard it before.

Fox eats rat.

[ who even are either of these people, he's too northern for this. ]

[cozen]

Hear hear.

[sclavus]

If the Rat wanted to win, should've named himself something harder to kill.

[ literally his only input here. ]

[bouchonne]

And here I thought you were a man of cunning.

[sclavus]

Not my fault your hero picked a shitty name.

[justice_is_blond]

Who? Does either of them have any sense of fashion?

[cozen]

Who, he asks! And with that accent.

[ Control your countrymen, Rutyer. ]

That there are Fereldans who do not know who Rat Red is at all settles his argument even more than it has already been settled. You could not find an Orlesian who does not know the Fox.

[justice_is_blond]

I'm hardly Fereldan. I'm Anders.

[And if that's confusing, well, at least he'll be amused.]

This is some Orlesian vs. Fereldan thing, then.

[exsecutus]

Yes, there's nothing like the false tale of a folk hero to mollify the masses and set up unrealistic expectations of hope and intervention and intercession, on behalf of the people.

All the better when it's a rich man adopting the guise.

[sarcophage]

Another vote for Rat Red, then?

[exsecutus]

If Red Rat was more than a comforting story.

[That's like a lukewarm yes. Or is it, because--]

A vote against it all.

[bouchonne]

[ An astonished pause, and then a laugh of pure delight. ]

You're not serious right now.