let's get deep

[champions]

FORM: crystal
SENDER: Marisol Candelas Ximena Odalys Esmeralda Hierro Asturias de la Nieve Vivas
RECIPIENT: Everyone
WHAT: a question
WHEN: whenev
WHERE: Kirkwall (Hightown, probably)
NOTES: don't hate her because she's beautiful

You know, I feel it has been too long since I have had a chance to speak with many of you. That is the way when we are all working so much, no? The coming and going makes it so easy to work with people and never truly know them.

( Imagine her, if you will, reclined on a fainting couch, a glass of port lightly held in one hand, a cigarillo balanced between the fingers of the other, and wearing something appropriately luxurious. )

So, I am wondering, what does responsibility mean to you? More what you consider your responsibilities, than the offerings of a dictionary. Understanding one another is key, I hear.

Comments

[champions]

That seems a bit... ( how to say this?

She can't think of a way that's a bit gentler: ) Martyrish, truthfully.

( No. She makes a thoughtful sound. ) "If you don't the world ends and it's your fault." No, you share the duty, become part of something bigger. Taking it all on yourself and resigning to condemn yourself if you fail... then you are condemning the whole world for the sake of... what? Thinking you can figure it out alone?

[thunderproof]

Well if anyone would have fucking helped me —

❰ it's the angriest adalia has sounded since she came back from tevinter. it's the angriest she's felt, and immediately once she realizes she's raised her voice she shuts up again, shutting down, shutting it away. anger doesn't help. anger gets people hurt.

when she begins again, her voice is a carefully controlled monotone. ❱

I asked for help. I always ask for help. No one cares and no one listens, so I go it alone. Because condemning the world because I need to be acknowledged before I do my part is — is evil. I'm not evil. I help because I want to, because I can. Because I won't be anybody worthwhile if I don't, even if no one thinks I'm worthwhile anyway.

That's responsibility. Stuff you do because to not do it would make you a worse person.

[champions]

( Well, that was something. )

Have you asked for help now?

[thunderproof]

I did say always.

[champions]

Who?

[thunderproof]

Why do you care?

❰ because she's clearly unstable, probably. because she's going around talking when she should just stay shut up in her office. because she made marisol care, when marisol could be doing infinitely more useful things than coddling her.

is it better or worse to know all these things and still not be able to get herself to shut the fuck up? ❱

[champions]

( Calmly, simply: )

Because you said always, and if you cannot tell me who you have spoken with, I won't know if your statement can be verified. You'e behaving erratically.

[thunderproof]

Solas.

❰ or, asked to help him, more like, but — it was obvious what she meant, wasn't it? helping solas would be helping her. just because she hasn't used those exact words — ❱

Thranduil. Gwenaëlle. Shall I go on?

not here.

[elegiaque]

( CITATION NEEDED, ADALIA )

[champions]

( Lightly, she replies, ) There's no need.

Although, I am curious - when you say that not doing something would make you a "worse person"... that sounds less like an interest in doing what is right, and more like a need to to prove yourself in the eyes of some judge.

[thunderproof]

I can judge right and wrong for myself, and know when I have missed the mark. I do what is right because it's right, not to impress anyone.

❰ that, at least, is true — it'd be easier if she had some impartial checklist to go through, something to measure herself against. but all she has is her own judgment, and it's so often faulty, but she does her best. she always only wants to do her best, and to help. ❱

[champions]

As you say.

( She muses, quietly. )

Although, I'm sure Corypheus feels that he is judging right and wrong rather well.

[thunderproof]

❰ super cool great this is what she wanted and it feels about as good as she had expected it would — ❱

Is there someone else you would suggest looking to? I'm sure we all agree Corypheus isn't the most valid of options, but if there's anyone on this godsforsaken plane we can all agree has the right way to go about doing good, I'm all ears.

❰ she doesn't even sound all that sarcastic, honestly. ❱

[champions]

I don't think I will give you any answer that will satisfy you. I suspect that even if I said something that you agreed with, our history of interactions would make that response offensive or hurtful to you on some level.

[thunderproof]

Try me.

[champions]

No, Adalia. We can't look to others for answers. Even learning something, being told, doesn't mean we internalise it. Better you come to the answers yourself. That's the only way you'll find peace with it.

[thunderproof]

❰ the fuck — ❱

You just all but said my judgment isn't to be trusted. You implied it'd be like trusting Corypheus. Now you want me to look to myself for answers?

[champions]

I said that because anyone can justify their own actions. I didn't say you weren't to be trusted, or that it was like trusting Corypheus.

And you're unhappy with what I said, so perhaps it is best to look to yourself.

[thunderproof]

I'm unhappy because it was inconsistent. You said one thing and then went and said a diametrically opposed thing.

❰ or at least what adalia interpreted as diametrically opposed. ❱

[champions]

I hope you find what you're looking for, Adalia.