crystal

[inagutterson]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Yngvi
RECIPIENT: Open
WHAT: Can abominations swim also how do boats end up in the Fade?
WHEN: Vaguely now
WHERE: Lakes of Wildervane
NOTES: Warning for drowning, discussion of and how a mage goes abomination. Scouting sends you on cool assignments.

[First off you'd be forgiven for thinking that Yngvi either dropped the sending crystal in the bath (yes, he bathes, he's just not some soft Orlesian ponce about it) or fell in the river with it from the splashing in the background until there are other voices, all of them shouting at one another.]

Has anyone ever been to the Lakes of Wildervane before? Didn't realise they were this brackish, smells about as-- [which would be when Yngvi is interrupted by howling in the background that he only attempts to talk over the top of. Someone else is calling for the master dwarf to please come look at this but Yngvi has bigger fish to fry. Sadly metaphorical but he's in the mood now with all this water he's surrounded by, he could go a fish supper for dinner.]

Nah, reckon you've got it covered mate! So. Smells a bit like the Wounded Coast on a low tide by the harvest moon when all the bodies start turning up, pretty appropriate seeing as I bumped into some lads havin'...dunno, don't think this was a jolly. They look like guards. Also like tits.

Right, anyway people who do the dreaming thing I always keep hearing about weird boats in the Fade and me and these lads here, well I think I know how one got there. But I need to ask because I don't do that so I don't know, do I? But if a mage in a boat falls out the boat and then stops being a mage and twists themselves up like a hideous mutilated creature d'you reckon that's how that happens? I've got money on it. And I might need to help. Also do abominations swim?

Comments

[notched]

Kill it whether it swims or not.

[inagutterson]

The mage before they went abomination took the boat so it's me and the dick brigade on the shore and it's splashing about, I'm not getting my boots wet.

[notched]

[ She almost. Literally splutters. ]

Who cares about the boots?

[inagutterson]

I care. They're my boots, they were a gift. Thigh-high weird suede elf boots not owned by any other dwarf so I'm not wading into this muck because a bunch of tits let the apostate go rowing off in their only boat.

Maybe if they can build a raft I'll graciously consider.

[Will he fuck they'd build a pyre for themselves first.]

[notched]

Someone will be stealing them off your corpse soon enough.

[ Look. Her entire outfit may or may not be stolen off of corpses. ]

[inagutterson]

You ever tried pinching shit off a dwarf, an artificer or a member of the Carta?

[Or the bastard child of all three also he has chunky thighs it'd be a slow peel. Probably not worth the smell unleashed by unwashed dwarf either.]

[notched]

A member of the what?

[ R i f t e r s ]

[inagutterson]

You fell out the sky, right, explains everything. It's a dwarf thing. Trade stuff. Dodgy criminal trade stuff. Greasing the wheels and collecting on it when you don't pay up. Nothing happens down below without us. Or topside since it's spread out topside how mushrooms pop up after rain y'know?

[Also this the gospel according to Yngvi. So. Mostly the truth shaded how he'd prefer to tell it because that's how life goes.]

[notched]

Down below?

[ So no, she doesn't really know. Teach me master dwarf. ]

[inagutterson]

In the pit. The filth pit. Where dwarves burst out of. Lot of lava and poison ooze [not entirely a lie, just a specific telling of a lie while he tries to hold in the laughter, you can do this Yngvi] fighting lizards with nightmare teeth eating dubiously poisonous mushrooms. Then someone decides if you got a caste and slaps that on your arse. If you're unlike you don't have it and you get a face brand and you live on dust forever.

Obviously some head for the surface for good and you get my family.

[notched]

[ This sounds... emphatically like bullshit. It starts somewhere around 'the filth pit' and continues to enhance itself with the arse slapping. But she is also not exactly the type to call a bullshit foul. ]

You sound... extremely qualified. To battle an abomination.

[ She does not have a sense of humor. This does not really sound like she is trying to be funny. ]

Perhaps simply remove your boots first.

[inagutterson]

[He is 100% full-grown (4'5") dwarf he is the most qualified authority in the Inquisition on dwarves.

Accept no Orlesian and/or scholarly nonense straight to the dirty source smelling of nug, goose and cat.]

Shame you can't see it - you seen one yet? I mean they don't usually got hair but I think all the kelp or seaweed or maybe it's just regular weeds it's a lake innit? Reckon that--

[There's screaming.

The brain trust are screaming.

The abomination - presumably - is screaming.

And there's the sound of a wet muted explosion, almost a bath bomb, as instinct takes over and a grenade is lobbed into the water because let's just attempt to invent the depth charge in the field.]

[notched]

Many... They are often weak to electricity, sometimes flame, but a thorough thrust often penetrates their... deformities.

[ She is very distracted by all the noises. She is not a fan. ]

Are you alright?

[inagutterson]

You can't say thrust and penetrates [talking louder over the top of his new friends drawing their weapons and fuck it, he's going to have to take his boots off isn't he?] about fighting stuff! Sounds all Nevarran.

And yeah. Probably. S'just...it's wading. It's not swimming it's strolling shorewards.

Need to find the beartrap on a chain for this one.

[arlathvhen]

Do--Do you need help?

[ Don't die??? ]

[inagutterson]

Nah, I was thinking I should've packed me a lunch y'know? Not too bad a spot, got a show unfolding in front of me, reckon there's folks what'd pay for this.

[Working hard or hardly working amirite?]

[elegiaque]

Do you think it would depend on whether or not the mage knew how to swim, or whether or not the demon that possessed them could have somehow gained the knowledge before possessing them?

( on her extremely scientific Yngvi Anxiety Gauge, he sounds like he has this situation presently under control. she will revise her level of concern if his voice changes. )

[inagutterson]

When's a mage going to learn swimming they've got that busy schedule of thinking they've got it worst out of everyone in the world competing with shoving their head up their arse, when's that leave them time to do something as taxing as swimming? Barely leaves them time to really remind you how terrible it was--

[There's a splash, a throaty gurgle--]

I didn't ask your opinion, bogbreeches but that's mages for you, they just volunteer them, spare dicks at a wedding. I wonder if that's why demons want boats in the Fade? To safely learn swimming? I mean we don't have demons that throw water at you do we? D'you think this one was trying to branch out and picked a really stupid mage?

[limier]

Is it still moving?

[inagutterson]

I think-- yeah, it's trying to doggypaddle. [In a bad stage whisper which is the only stage whisper a lad knows:] I don't think these guards know that mages don't have big enough baths to learn swimming in in the Circles.