open || sending crystal

[humanistic]

FORM: sending crystal
SENDER: Mitchell, featuring the background musical stylings of Juke Bachs the bard
RECIPIENT: everyone
WHAT: a new bard has moved into Skyhold. he knows but one song. verily, how well he knows it. and it is getting old.
WHEN: immediately
WHERE: the tavern
NOTES: Tom Jones. also this will make more sense if you ctl+f Juke Bachs on the rewards page.

[Beginning this message takes some doing. Sending crystals are unfamiliar--but after a moment, fumbling gives way to the ambient noise of a fairly crowded pub. Conversation, the clink of dishes and mugs. Laughter. Music, in the background.]

Right. So-- [At last he's got this messaging thing worked out now, all right; he's nothing if not adaptable--] I don't know how it's done here, all right, but I've got t' complain.

This bard won't shut up.

And d'you know the worst part? The worst part is, he's playin' Tom Jones. [The horror.] Tom Jones! Come all this way, and there's still some prick doing 'What's New Pussycat' in the corner of the pub in the middle of the afternoon. It's suffocating. And that's the only thing he's playing, by the way. You ask him anything else, no matter how nicely you ask--no, that's the only thing. Tom Jones. 'What's New'. Nothing else.

I mean, I'm going out of my mind here. Anyone know how t' get this to stop? Jesus--

Comments

[youwonscience]

You know, if someone were going to teach a bard just one Tom Jones song as a prank, I totally would have guessed "It's Not Unusual."

Could be worse. My neighbor first year of grad school was teaching himself to play "Wonderwall." With limited success.

[humanistic]

Ah, Jesus.

[The most important part of that is absolutely the threat part, which is to say--]

Keep it down, would you? Tom Jones is torment, but endless Oasis? Save us from the whingey vocals and the slow-motion videos of England's greatest overration.

[youwonscience]

He was that guy. The guitar guy. You know.

How do you feel about Queen? A friend and I were thinking about trying to popularize Bohemian Rhapsody, though I mean, definitely not the same without Freddie Mercury.

[humanistic]

That's funny. Because my next question was, what's the point without Freddie Mercury?

[youwonscience]

I mean, unless an iPod falls out of a rift, it's never going to be ideal but. A step up from your current situation?

You need someone's company to fortify you against the horror of Tom Jones?

[humanistic]

We've only just met, and you're offering to lay down your life for me? I think that's a little fast.

[youwonscience]

I'm an American, we have a natural immunity to obnoxious pop music. Comes from childhood mall exposure.

[humanistic]

Is that right. Don't suppose you packed some sort of vaccine you could administer, while you're keeping me company in this very concentrated hell.

[youwonscience]

I could try to teach the guy some Smash Mouth? That'd probably do it. Or, like, the Macarena.

[humanistic]

You're getting worse. I didn't think it could be done, getting worse than a bard singing Tom Jones, but you are definitely getting worse.

[youwonscience]

Okay, my point is, I am a certified Californian and I can probably offer you moral support without risking my own sanity. If you want.

[humanistic]

All right, I'm tentatively accepting. But if you start singing the Macarena, that's it for you. Out in the streets.

[youwonscience]

Deal. No Tom Jones singalongs either, I promise.

[humanistic]

Thank Christ. You don't want to hear what I'd do t' you over a singalong.