therookery | [OPEN]

FORM: Sending Crystal
SENDER: Kain Highwind
RECIPIENT: EVERYONE!!!
WHAT: Kain is being stalked by a rude parrot, and it’s time to see about finding the owner! Is it yours?! It’s probably yours! Please let it be yours, JUST TAKE IT ALREADY.
WHEN: Around now or so!
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Nah, just the usual language warnings

[A sound can be heard in the background, a high pitched voice saying, “Fuck off, dust bugger!” Over and over and over again.]

Will you be quiet?

[Kain attempts to move away with the crystal so the sound of swearing gets a little more distant, but doesn’t yet end.]

Has anyone in Skyhold lost a parrot? He's large, mostly blue with some yellow near the beak and eyes… and all he does is swear. Loudly. Inconveniently. [Really, the language in itself isn't the issue so much as the timing.] I’m told a lot of his curses are dwarven. [He pauses, the bird’s phrase shifting to, "Nughumping son of a darkspawn!"]

…What is a nug, anyway? [Does he really want to know?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[When the noise came through on the crystal he had certainly not been expecting to be hearing those choice of words. Mostly since he's not heard many dwarven curses.]

You sure they lost it or got rid of it?

[Sorry, not sorry, Kain. This is funny.]

[It is SO not funny, and Kain sure does hope his aggravation is somehow transmitting over the crystal. :| But yes, he has been considering this frightening possibility, that he really is stuck.]

At this point, I'm starting to think they may have simply left it... but I need to be certain.

[He adds, in a grumpy tone,]

It won't stop following me around.

Have you, I don't know, tried feeding it? Clearly it likes you. Maybe it's just trying to get your attention because it's starving and thus mad.

[Hanger hits everyone Kain.]

[It's not a bad strategy at all, but he's dealing with a whole other level of crazy, here.]

I've tried that... Feeding him distracts him for a little while, long enough to make an escape... but then he'll return soon enough to find me. He always finds me.

[Well Kain was good with crazy right? He's been to the moon.]

Birds are pretty good at finding people when they want to. Running from it ain't going to help.

Maybe you should try teaching it different words?

Are you saying what I think you're saying? I should just accept this?

[Kain was afraid of that happening, but yes, he was starting to think it might come to it. He'd just wanted to try finding the owner in one final, glorious attempt.]

Korrin has had luck teaching him, but those were just more curses. Perhaps I could attempt.

[There's a sudden, loud cry of: "Bronto shit!!!"]

Perhaps I should attempt.

Well... you can either fight it and having a swearing bird find you at the weirdest moments, or... you can accept it.

It knows to repeat words and can easily find you, must be a smart bird. Maybe it can be trained.

As for attempting? Try feeding it while teaching... or say good phrases as if you're swearing?

[Right, attempt it. Sam is giving him good advice, even if Kain is hesitant to take it. After all, the more time he invests in this nuisance of a bird, the more likely it really is that he’ll have to accept it as his own.]

Far too smart for its own good, it would seem. I don’t even know why he chose me in the first place… aside from the look of my armor. [Oh and nesting in his hair that one time too, can’t forget that.] I may have to attempt this strategy of teaching him new words… or at least keeping him calm enough to be silent for a time. Otherwise, I fear I’ll be stuck hearing about all of Andraste’s many parts. Repeatedly.

[Though, who knows, the parrot seems to speak up when amused, just as much as when annoyed.]

[Don't forget nughumping. Andreaste's many parts and nughumping.]

Do you wear your armor all the time? Is he only around when you wear it?

I do wear it all the time, is that so strange to believe?

[He mainly asks because Korrin has already given him a bit of a hard time over it.]

Hm… Though the one time I happened to be unarmored, he ended up in my hair… so I don’t think it matters much.

[Even though, yeah, there’s a bit of a weird resemblance between him and his feathered “friend” when he’s armored.]

... Even when you sleep?

[Obviously grinning on this end of the crystal.]

Can you even sleep with the bird around?

MAKER’S FLACCID COCK!!!!!

[Really, parrot, could we not?]

Well… fine, sleeping is an exception, at least around Skyhold. I won’t take it off at camp.

[You never know what’s out there, when traveling around. He sighs.]

Bastard needs to sleep sometimes, too, so I’ve managed. Though there were a couple of times he’s kept me up.

[There's a mildly loud snort that quickly becomes muffled, though it is quite obvious that Sam is laughing in the background.

How many phrases did that thing know?]

Well maybe we can come up with a sleep drought that you could put on some of it's food so that it'll sleep at night.

Too many phrases for his own good.

[For real though, the dwarf who used to own him could have done great things with the amount of creativity he poured into his curses. Great things.]

That’s a good idea… just for some blissful silence for a change. He could probably use the sleep himself, as well.

SON OF A CAVE BEETLE!!!

[Kain will take that as agreement.]

[Well that one hadn't been that bad.]

Well if you do keep him you also might want to consider a sizable cage that you can put him in at night and putting a cloth over it.

I'll see about the sleep drought though. Just put it on whatever you feed him.

They may sell something like that among the merchants... I'll have a look next time I'm there.

[Oh no, oh no, oh no! He's truly making the next step toward this parrot actually becoming his pet by even considering buying it some accommodations. It's really happening. Ohhhh no.]

My thanks in advance for - PISS OFF, BRONTOFUCKER!- looking into it. It's not only for my own sake I need him to sleep, after all, but others nearby as well.

[Keeping all of Skyhold awake is no good.]

[Kain needs a pet, or at least something to take of it seemed. At least it would be a project.]

No issue at all. Any particular place I could find you when I do get it? Besides listening for a screeching swearing bird?

[Kain definitely would have chosen something much… quieter. Less of a stubborn-ass too, though in that sense their personalities are all too similar.]

I spend most of my days either at the training grounds or somewhere along the battlements… or yes, these days you can follow the sound of cursing.

[He'd agree that some things are pretty similar between the two.]

I suppose that is a good give away. If I can't find you for some reason I'll contact you by crystal.

[Which of course is unfortunately why it's so difficult to get along, he's sure, all of those similarities. Aside from the screeching loudness, which is the parrot's thing alone.]

That should be fine, I usually keep a close eye on it.

[You never knew when some serious business would happen, he needs to keep aware of things.]

"BLIGHTED HART'S ARSE!"

Well then, enjoy your day the best you can. I'll see you as soon as I can.

Likewise, for you as well... [Though he's willing to bet Sam will have a much quieter and enjoyable day than him.] See you soon.

[OPEN]

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