I understand. My circumstances have not been such themselves, but... ( But she understands. ) Honour is a lofty ideal, at times. My father was a man greatly concerned with honour and ideals, but we lived in the alienage. He did some leatherwork, but there was rarely coin in it - more trading jobs and and goods. There were times when, in desperation, he turned to smuggling in the hope of securing a better future.

There may be times when the best you can do in particular circumstances are all you can hope for. One might suppose that if we always make the honourable choice then the path will become easier, but I think that is more than a little naive. Ultimately only you can make a decision from the choices laid before you. Maybe we both of us can better our footing, even in the dark, when the choices are harder to make out.