o1 ♚ especially coffee

[slaveking]

FORM: Sending crystal
SENDER: Marcel Gerard
RECIPIENT: Public; any and all interested
WHAT: A Rifter would like to futilely inquire as to the incomprehensible physics of Rifting and seek actually unavailable instruction w.r.t. how to get the Hell back home, please and thanks.
WHEN: Timing (backdated, covering a span, etc.)
WHERE: Skyhold
NOTES: Maybe P3-13 for language? If somebody gets emotional!

Good morning, Thedas.

[By now, the name of the world sounds comfortable enough in his mouth, but his accent is likely remains somewhat Other, cutting the consonants of his deep voice.] My name is Marcel Gerard. In the world I come from, magic is a secret pretty well-hidden from humans, and the full strength of abominations waits every month on the full moon. [Sorry, werewolves. Somebody hates you.] We also have horseless carriages, ballet, instant coffee, and the Internet. The world is called New Orleans. If you know what any of that means, we should talk.

And if you don't, you might be just the person to help me get home. You got thoughts on how to prolapse a Rift? I want to hear 'em. Talk to me.

Comments

[motherfucking_ghost]

Can't say I've ever been to New Orleans, but, dude, it's definitely not the whole world. You wanna know what feels like an entire planet? Fucking Texas. Why do they make certain states so god damn big?

Anyway, pretty sure nobody knows how to undo the whole being sucked into Dungeons and Dragons here, or they would've undone it already.

[slaveking]

What can I say? It's my world. Texas is all right, I guess. Not enough seafood.

[Poultry-fed people just taste different.]

How long has this been going on? Nobody's working on getting home, far as you know?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Ehhh...wouldn't really know but I guess you're right. Anyway, the answers so far are: fuck if I know, and I'm sure it's being worked on, probably, but they don't know what to do about it?

[slaveking]

That's the impression I'm getting.

But it's good to hear somebody from home. You're from the States, right?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Uhhhhh I know of the states. [He especially knows of a few specific states and by states he means super soldiers whose codenames were states.] I'm kind of from waaaay far away from Earth, but humanity's got a pretty far reach by the 2550's.

[slaveking]

[A beat.]

What the fuck.

[That apparently catches Marcel off-guard.] Pardon my French. You serious, man?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Uh, yeah dude. Other worlds, alien war, none of that ring a bell? God damn, am I the only one from the fucking future here?

[slaveking]

[<8/ tbh.]

Sure as shit sounds like you're a little further along than I am. Space travel's easy? Have we moved on to other planets?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Oh yeah, man! A shitton of planets! Ships everywhere. Future armor, future guns, future ships, future technology. People are still dumb as a god damn sack of bricks, though, so, that hasn't changed.

[slaveking]

[Marcel is quiet for a few long seconds. He is rather tempted to call the man out on pulling his leg, but that seems' a little unfair, from a vampire. Right?

Most people still think vampires are bullshit. Right?]

What've we done lately? [he asks.] What stupid shit do we pull in the space-age?

[motherfucking_ghost]

[Hell yeah vampires are bullshit, what the fuck is this, an actual rpg?]

Oh, you know, the usual. Military bullshit, egotistical mad scientists, playing god, starting wars, making people fight against themselves instead of bigger threats, dick measuring contests, automated voicemail asking you to press eleven. Same old.

[slaveking]

Man.

Unfortunately, that does sound just like home. Sad to hear some things haven't changed. Tell me we at least ended hunger.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Uhhhh, I don't actually know. Kind of more focused on the alien space war part. Things have been pretty rough, though. Cuz. Y'know. War.

[slaveking]

[A beat.]

Is there probing?

[motherfucking_ghost]

What? Ew, don't be gross, dude. There's killing.

...Okay, so my friend maybe ended up with an alien baby in him. So. It's, uh. It's not all killing. Sometimes it's prophecies and alien babies.

[slaveking]

[A beat.

Multiple beats. A long moment where Marcel is definitely waiting for the guy to inform him he's being punk'd. No? No such luck.]

I've decided I'm happy in the early 2000s. When did you say this shit starts?

[motherfucking_ghost]

Okay, I didn't believe it, either, because our doc's kind of...not exactly a doctor. But it turns out this little fuckin' demonspawn actually happened.

I think it blew up in the ship he got kidnapped on...so, y'know, good riddance.

Early 21st, huh? How's that treating you, what with all the global warming and geopolitical strife and reality tv?

[slaveking]

Eh. [Those are all worthy 21st century concerns, really. Marcel appreciates the guy's understanding of relevant issues.] Less of a big deal than our own magic problems. Witch wars, you might as well call 'em.

Hey. What's your name? [He doesn't think he got it earlier.]

[motherfucking_ghost]

Oh jesus christ. More magic? Are you shitting me right now? I can barely even deal with all the so-called "magic" here in this...high fantasy wonderland. Are you seriously a wizard?

Uh, Church. It's Church, by the way.

[slaveking]

I am a little bit of a wizard, [Marcel lies without much concern. He's magical in origin for sure.] Not gonna be enchanting a hundred broomsticks out of a big book of spells anytime soon though.

Nice to meet you, Church. How's no running water or food that comes compressed into pills, or whatever you got when you're from?

[motherfucking_ghost]

If only you could magic us up some guns, Mr. Wizard.

Dude. You should see the fucking fatass they got in my other camp. [Or 'the enemy base' but come on, are the Reds really their enemy anymore?] I'm pretty sure he eats nothing but oreos. Don't ask me where he gets them from! I mean, I guess things could be better, but... [There is a heavily implied shrug.] I dunno, if you want my list of complaints then we'll be here all day, but I guess it's also different when that life is more or less all you know. Time travel, man, I do not wanna fuck around with that again.

man wth happened to my html up there

[slaveking]

[Marcel hmms.] Can't say that shit is in the scope of my abilities, [he admits. Not that he has much use for firearms, as a general rule.] And I'd probably opt for Oreos before that.

You been enlisted to help some dwarves create any new tech yet?

[motherfucking_ghost]

...Uh no, I can't say that any dwarves have said much of anything to me. Do they have gunpowder? We can fucking start from there anyway...

[slaveking]

Huh. Not sure.

I should ask about that. Hey. [A shift in his tone. A shift of topic.] If I was gonna start setting up a time and place for Rifters to meet, you think you'd show? Trade information, shit like that. About gunpowder, for instance.

[motherfucking_ghost]

Hell yeah! I don't even know how many of us there are around here, and even if we're all from weird places or weird times or both, we're all kinda dumped here with no god damn say-so or idea what's going on. It'd be nice. Get everyone's shit in order.